QUESTION:
I’m 36 and have been single for 4 years now. I went through a very hard time in a previous breakup and unfortunately it caused major insecurities that caused me to push away a wonderful man I was dating. I acted stupid and have apologized over and over again. But, Mr. Man will not give me the time of the day now. What else can I do to tell him how sorry I am and how much I miss him without acting like a desperate fool?
— One sorry dude
Dear Sorry,
You didn’t tell me what you did so it’s hard to give specifics. After all, the repair factor is directly related to the severity of what you did. So, if you screwed his best friend behind his back (and really, where else could you f*ck him?), forgiveness would be difficult but achievable. On the other hand, if you used his moisturizers without asking, you might as well fall on your sword because there ain’t a gay jury alive that would hand down a forgiveness decision.
In any case, there’s a thin line between apologizing and harassing. So stop apologizing. Send him a beautiful card and acknowledge, with legible handwriting please, that the hardest part of seeing a potential love affair die is knowing that the wound was self-inflicted. Tell him you understand his need for some time and space to process what’s happened and that you’ll honor it by keeping your distance.
In other words, leave it where Jesus flung it. Send him flowers about a month afterwards. If that doesn’t work, kiss your fantasy goodbye.