Got any advice for guys who like sex in the shower? I’ve got a typical apartment bathroom—not much room to move around so my options seem limited.
— Wet behind the ears
Dear Wet:
You’ve come to the right place. As founder of a new chain of household goods—Bed, Bath & Bend Over – I’ve got some great suggestions.
First, make sure to put a rubber mat on the floor of the shower to keep everybody from slipping and hurting themselves. You want your partner screaming your name not yelling for help.
Stick to positions that won’t require an ambulance at the end of the session. Namely, The Leg Lift: Hold one of his knees up on the crook of your elbow as you pound away. Second, The Standing Bend. He bends all the way over, knees slightly bent, arms against the edge of the tub. You enter from behind, holding his hips. Third, The Wrap Around: He wraps his legs around your waist while you hold him up against the tiles.
Remember to use the right lube. Don’t use oil or petroleum-based lubes (Vaseline, olive oil). They destroy condoms, sometimes on contact. Plus, they’re hard as fuck to wash off. So use silicone-based lubes like Pjur’s Eros. They won’t harm latex-based condoms. Plus, they’re similar to water-based lubes except that they’re completely waterproof, making them ideal for underwater use.
Shower sex works on a number of levels. First, and most importantly, there are no bad hair days under the nozzle. Second, the warm water pinks up the skin that makes everyone look like they’re standing under good lighting. Third, the pseudo-rainfall effect is an added element that creates unexpected sensations.
Always complete the session by shampooing each other’s hair and finally, drying each other off. Remember, having good sex is like being a good writer—you want to put a period at the end of each sentence.