I used hypnosis to quit smoking. Do you think it would help with erectile dysfunction? I’ve read you enough to know there are medical and psychological reasons for impotence but how do you tell one from the other?
— Feeling Sleepy
Dear Sleepy:
Your problem reminds me of the time I ran into a sobbing 12-year-old boy outside the mall, holding a hundred dollar bill.
Thinking that he had gotten lost from his parents, I asked him what was wrong.
His mother had given him two hundred dollars to buy the family Christmas gifts. He hadn’t even entered the mall when an older boy grabbed one of the hundred dollar bills and ran off.
“Why didn’t you scream for help?” I asked.
“I did,” said the boy.
“And nobody came to help you?” I asked.
The boy stared at the sidewalk and sadly shook his head.
“How loud did you scream?” I asked.
The boy looked up and meekly whispered, “Help me!”
I realized that no one could possibly have heard that poor boy cry for help.
So I grabbed his other hundred and ran to my car.
My point, and I do have one, is that you’ve got to ask for help LOUDLY or you’re going to be ripped off.
If your willow’s weeping because of stress or performance anxiety, then I say go for the hypnosis, which has been medically proven to reduce pain and anxiety.
Remember, most insurance companies won’t cover the treatment unless it’s performed by a doctor or another licensed healthcare professional.
But if the problem’s physical, hypnosis is going to be as helpful as, well, a twelve-year-old asking woody for help.
How do you know if it’s physical? If you can beat off, get an erection overnight, or in the morning, then you’re a nut job desperately in need of psychological help.
If, on the other hand, you can’t get an erection at all under any circumstances, then there’s probably something wrong with your hydraulics and you’re going to need an urologist. And trust me, if you think *I* grab the money and run, wait till you meet these guys.