Q:
My boyfriend wants me to talk dirty to him during sex. I don’t know what to say, I feel stupid and I keep laughing. What can I say, and how can I keep a straight face?
— Giggly
Dear Giggly:
“Talking dirty” adds another dimension to the sexual experience. Think about it: Sex engages 4 out the 5 senses (taste, touch, sight and smell). But unless you talk, you leave the fifth sense—hearing– out.
Adding wordplay to foreplay is a great way to make your sex life fire on all five cylinders. The first rule of spicing things up with Tabasco Talk is to forget the flowery prose. Any word with more than two syllables is a word with too many syllables. Start by simply narrating the action. Describe what you’re doing and feeling. Once you get used to talking in bed, the trashy talk will come naturally.
Try an Erotic Appreciation Exercise. Simply notice something about his body that you like and say something about it (“I like the shape of your penis when it’s completely hard”). Then say something about his style of lovemaking. Like, “I love the way your kisses automatically make my nipples erect.” It’s simple, really. All you’re doing is putting your thoughts on external speaker.
If you’re still feeling a little funny, then do what you do when you eat a great dessert– Moan & Groan. Not many syllables to them, but animal sounds can speak a thousand dirty words.