Q:

My boyfriend and I are planning a trip to spend time with our parents.   It sounds pretty normal but the thing of it is as soon as we get into bed I want to jump him like an animal.  I don’t know if it’s the sneaking around or the “I’m so bad” part of doing it at our parents’ house, but it has been the best sex we’ve ever had.  My boyfriend’s not as in to it as I am.  I have actually had to force him to do it a couple times but once he gets into it it’s amazing.  How can I get him past his inhibitions so we can get down to business?

 

—  Father complex

 

 

Dear Father complex:

If you want him to drop his drawers you have to raise some issues.  Like how not to get caught.  Talk to him about soundproofing your parent’s guest bedroom.   Here are a few tips to keep the nosiest parents at bay:

 

 

• Use a towel to “weather-strip” the bottom of the door
• Bring a portable CD and place it right behind the door.  If the bed squeaks a lot play Britney.  If he moans a lot, play Barry White.
• Put a chair under the doorknob if they don’t have a lock
• And if they have especially thin walls, run the shower (they’ll hear the water running in the pipes, camouflaging your naughty sounds)

 

Of course, I’d also consider the time-tested, zipper-opening strategy called liquor.  It wipes away inhibitions like a washcloth.  One or two beers and you’ll be under his belt in no time.  Be cautious, though.  Alcohol can lower inhibitions but it can also lower performance.

 

The point is to address his concerns.  You take care of his worry and he’ll take care of your obsession.  Once he realizes you’ve practically eliminated the chance of parental humiliation the only time you’re going to hear him say, “Don’t” is right before he says, “Stop.”

 

Hey woody!

I’m a student in my middle 20`s and in love with one of my teachers. One day I just blurted out my feelings for him.  He blushed, got real nervous and said, “I don’t know what to say.”  Now, I KNOW he’s attracted to me because of the way he looks at me, yet he won’t make a move.  What can I do to date him?  He won’t ask me out and I don’t have the nerve to ask him.

 

—  Mooning

 

Dear Mooning:

First, find out what the school’s policy is about teachers dating their students.  Some schools have a flat-out NO WAY I DON’T CARE HOW CUTE OR HUNG HE IS policy.  Others may not.   There are obvious ethical considerations about teachers dating their students, even if the student is an adult.  Because the teacher is in a power position (students shouldn’t be put in a “fuck or flunk” position) the possibility of exploitation is always there.

 

If I were him I’d run the other way. What if he dated and dumped you and then faced a sexual harassment charge because you, like most of my readers, are a bitter queen intent on ruining innocent lives?

 

That’s why it’s a no-win situation and schools go to great lengths to discourage teacher-student relations.  Personally, I think it’s a *BAD* idea for you to pursue this.  But knowing human nature, that ain’t going to stop you.  So if you really want to do something about it, talk to a school counselor and tell them your situation (for God’s sakes, don’t tell them who the teacher is!).  They’ll know the school’s policy and help counsel you.