Q:
I used to be a really faithful lover, but after a year of post-split-up singledom, I find myself being promiscuous and unable to satisfy myself with one guy. How can I re-discover the delights of monogamous sex?
— Whore no more
I hate the word “promiscuous.” I prefer “sexually extroverted.” If you’re being a little too democratic with your genitals (and I insist that you, not anyone else, be the judge of that), then it’s simple: Call a time out. For the next three months, staple your knees together. It’ll give you some time to think, reflect and probably regret some of the hotties you’ll miss out on! But that’s a good thing. Some guys like to medicate themselves with dick so they don’t have to do the harder work that self-reflection and intimacy requires.
Personally, I think you’re asking the wrong question. You can’t “re-discover monogamy” until you have someone to be monogamous with. The real question is, “Why do I keep having sex with men I don’t want to have committed relationships with?” The answer, of course, is because you’re a pig.
Seriously, if you want to change you have to think your way into new behavior and behave your way into new thinking. During your self-imposed period of celibacy you should re-think how and where you’re meeting guys. Not to mention what type of guy. Create a mental equivalent of the kind of guy you want to be monogamous with. What does he look like? What does he do? Is he outgoing or quiet? Once you figure that out find out where those kinds of guys hang out. Love will fall into your lap, but you’ve got to take your lap to the right places.