Q:
I’m a big believer in “reading” signs. Sometimes what looks to be a good sign turns bad and vice versa. What do you think are the most common misinterpreted signs between gay couples?
— Signologist
Dear Signologist:
Here are my top three misperceived “bad signs”:
1. Your partner no longer gets dressed up for dates anymore.
Most guys think he’s lost interest. I say he’s lost his will to shop. Or, more likely, he’s showing how comfortable he is around you. You dress up to impress. You dress down to decompress. What bigger compliment can you get than to have someone say, “That I’m with you is more important than what’s on me.”
2. You don’t have sex every time you spend the night together.
Don’t confuse the height of the flame with the depth of the heat. The path towards intimacy starts with lust’s migration to love. Daily sex is not a pre-requisite to achieving a fully realized relationship.
3. Your partner doesn’t always offer to cover the check (if he once did).
Why should he always be the dinner table’s ATM? He’s chafing at the rigid role of provider. He’s looking for a little equality, which has the unfortunate consequence of thinning your wallet.
Now, here are my top 3 “good signs” that have the potential to bust your lust:
1. Your partner drops the “L” word very early in your relationship.
Run! His moving vans are on a state of high alert. Courtships can be intense but they do follow a general time-line. If he’s saying the “L” word much before the 6 month period, he’s not seeing you as much as the ring he wants on his finger.
2. Your partner wants to go EVERYWHERE with you, even when you’re spending quality time with friends.
Barnacles are for ordinary ships, not relationships. Jealousy, loneliness, and fear propel lovers to attach themselves inappropriately. A relationship needs room to breathe and he’s sucking all the oxygen out of the room.
3. Your partner is always complimenting your appearance.
Actually, I lied. This is a good sign no matter what. You should be more worried when the compliments stop than when they won’t stop. That he’s expressing praise and approval on a consistent basis means you continually capture his attention and admiration.