Q:
My new boyfriend smells down there. I’ve suggested showers before sex but no go— I still have to wear a clothespin on my nose if I get anywhere near his crotch. This is going to be a real deal-breaker. In every other way I’m so into him, but how do you have a love life without inhaling?
— Gasping
Dear Gasping:
It’s not his odor that’s killing your sex life; it’s your silence. The body grows accustomed to its own odors, so he most likely doesn’t know there’s a paper-peeling smell coming from his crotch. He’s either uncircumcised and not cleaning well under the foreskin or he’s got a yeast infection. Yes, men get them too. It’s called Balinitis. It occurs mostly in diabetics and uncircumcised men. You can get it through trauma or minor injury to the foreskin and penis. And by trauma, I don’t mean the kind where the ugly one in the 3-way whispers “save the best for me.” I mean the kind of trauma that comes from excessive masturbation.
But mostly, male yeast infections come from bad hygiene. To avoid that yucky yeasty feeling, wash your penis every day with soap and water.
So back to the fun part: How to tell your partner he smells like a grease-encrusted vomit bucket. Start the conversation by telling him how much you enjoy making love. Christ, did I say “making love?” I meant, FUCKING. Then show concern and say, “Honey, I’m worried that you might have a problem down there. You’re not smelling very, uhm, *fresh* and that’s usually a sign of an infection.” Yes, he’ll be embarrassed but then he’ll be grateful. What man wouldn’t trade a few minutes of embarrassment for a lifetime of great oral?