SAME QUESTION ASKED THREE DIFFERENT WAYS. Oy vey!
I recently read your response to “Tired,” a man who was confused by his friend labeling himself as bisexual when, according to “Tired,” his friend was, in fact, gay. I found your response disrespectful to “Tired’s” friend and disgustingly biphobic. What right do you or “Tired” think you have to determine his friend’s sexual orientation or question his self-label?
— buh-bi
HI, MIKE
Yet another gay or straight “expert” pronounces that bisexual people don’t exist. Or at the very least, that bisexual men don’t exist. It’s very funny to us in the bi community whenever we hear this pronouncement. In fact, in my bisexual discussion group that has been running for over 12 years, we are always complaining there are too many guys. Why are you monosexuals so freaked out that some people can actually love and lust after people of more than one gender?
— buh-bi 2
Hey Mike!
In response to your advice given in “Bye, Bi Myth” I have to say that you are surely entitled to your opinion, and I appreciate that you do at least label your opinion as opinion. But, your article is still very disappointing. Had you clicked a couple more links while researching the NY Times article you would have seen responses from GLADD, the HRC, and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force condemning the article.
— buh-bi 3
Hey, mike!
The study you quoted involving the penis sensors has been peer reviewed as being faulty. Having taken courses in psychological statistics, I know that creating and running an accurate research study is difficult at best. To deny someone’s sexuality whom you have never met is something I find reprehensible. There is a reason that second-hand information is not allowed as legal testimony in a court case. There is enough bias from the straight community without getting it from the gay and lesbian community too.
— buh-bi 4
Dear buh-bi’s:
My last column gave the unfortunate impression that I was a “bisexual denier.” For that I apologize. I absolutely believe bisexuality in men exists. Hell, I had a boyfriend who started dating women after he broke up with me!
Still, I’m sticking to the essence of what I said in the previous column: Bisexuality is rare in men. But before you start jamming the comment line again, realize that if “rare” is even one half of one percent, that’s still millions of people when you consider the world’s population.
The truth is that a LOT of closeted gay men claim to be bi-sexual because it protects them from society’s wrath. When was the last time you heard Pat Robertson say “We’ve got to save America from the bisexual agenda!” When was the last time you heard bisexuals accused of “recruiting.” Or called “moral perversions?” Did the military’s ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ policy apply to bisexuals? Do churches refuse to ordain bisexual priests? Ever heard of a ‘bisexual bashing?’ There is tremendous pressure for gay men to declare themselves bisexuals. In many ways it’s an act of survival. It buys you protection from society and borrows time for your brain to catch up with your body.
Now, on the question of whether it’s an orientation, I defer to Margaret Cho. She once said (and I’m paraphrasing here), “One day I woke up with a woman in my bed. The next day with a man. I thought, Oh my God! I’m so confused! Am I lesbian? Am I straight? And then it hit me—I’m neither. I’m a slut!”