QUESTION:
I was at the bar over the weekend hawkin’ on a hottie. I thought it was going great—the convo was flowing, he let me buy him some drinks, but closing time and no dice. Not even his digits. Later, a friend goes, “Are you kidding me? You couldn’t tell he wasn’t interested? Dude, his body language was saying “go away” from the moment you said hello!” So here’s my question—what kind of body language signs should I look for?
— Shot Down
Dear Shot Down:
There are 5 principles to reading body language. Memorize them—they’ll serve you well on your next visit to a bar or party:
#1. Words lie, bodies don’t.
The truth leaks out of our bodies like a pockmarked water pail. As soon as we put a finger in one hole another one opens up. You may think you look calm, cool and collected, but look down– your foot’s tapping the floor like a woodpecker. Sexual signals bounce all over the place whenever gay men get together, and they’re being sent with heads, eyes, arms, hands, legs, and feet. Yes, feet. Long story, keep reading.
#2. Your body language changes when you see somebody hot. And you’re usually not aware of it.
Hidden camera studies show that a man’s posture changes when he sees somebody that turns him on. He, or more to the point, YOU, will:
- Pull your stomach. (To look sleeker)
- Throw your shoulders back (to occupy more space)
- Puff up your chest (to look bigger)
- Lift your head (To look taller)
- Protrude your jaw (to look more dominant)
It’s a form of preening. Researchers call it “Auto-erotic signaling.”
#3. Body language doesn’t just reflect your inner emotions. It creates them.
Keeping your body language “open” isn’t just critical to changing other people’s moods and attitudes; it’s critical to changing yours. This concept doesn’t just apply to your hands or your palms; it applies to everything. The more you “fake” open and inviting gestures and expressions, the more genuinely open and inviting you’ll become.
#4. The best way to meet and attract gay guys is to use open and inviting gestures.
Keeping your body open and inviting is so important to attracting guys that almost nothing else matters. If you cross your arms, for example, you might as well spray man-repellant on yourself. This goes for any gesture or movement that forms a barrier—holding your hands together, crossing your legs, closing your knees, slouching, or holding anything that blocks your chest, heart and stomach.
#5 Our bodies point toward men we like and away from men we don’t.
Does he like you? Look down. Men subconsciously point with their feet. It’s our way of saying, “Hubba Hubba.” Once, I was in a coffeehouse macking on a hottie who was ignoring his friend. He turned his body toward me, made lots of eye contact, and directed most of the conversation to me. Yet, for all those positive signs, I wasn’t feeling the vibe. My napkin fell to the floor and as I bent down to pick it up, I cursed under my breath. His feet were pointed to his friend! Sure enough, I saw them on a date a few days later. Guilty feet have got no rhythm but they never lie.
Putting it Together. If you want to meet gay men, pay attention to these five core principles. Whether you’re the pursuer or the pursued, the same principles apply: Your body language changes when you see a guy you’re attracted to (so be aware of it), you can consciously use certain body language tactics to change your mood, use open and inviting gestures and finally, if you want to know if a gay guy is attracted to you, watch where he points (especially his feet).