Using the right body language is the single most effective thing you can do to meet and attract the kind of guys you’re into. But how does that apply to us gay guys? After all, the prevailing feeling in gay nightlife is “if you don’t have the look you don’t stand a chance.”
Well, let’s not be stupid–that hottie you’re hawkin’ on is NOT going to date or hang out with you just because you’re throwing off the right body language. But if you want to catch his attention, turn his attention into interest and his interest into an attraction, NOTHING will help you do it better and faster than the right body language.
The question is, what’s the right body language for gay guys? Is it simply smiling and keeping your arms uncrossed or is there something more?
The research on nonverbal communication is clear: Everything counts. From the physical angle you approach somebody, to how close you stand to how you shake their hand and what kind of posture you take when you’re talking. They’re all all crucial components to building an attraction. Here’s a couple of subtle but powerful body language strategies that’ll help you meet and attract guys in gay bars:
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The Approach
Even if you’ve made eye contact never approach a guy head on. It’s simply too aggressive; too intimidating. Researchers have found that men, especially in courtship situations, have a fight-or-flight reaction to in-your-face approaches. You may think you’re being direct and assertive but the odds are he’ll think you’re being an aggressive jerk. When primates attack they square their shoulders and come after you in a straight line. Men have never lost that evolutionary sense of survival: If a beast comes at you, run! But if he sniffs from the side, he’s friendly.
Bottom line: Never approach in a straight line–always from the side in line with his peripheral vision. Invite yourself into his space, don’t invade it.
How a closed palm will kill your chances…
Your palms can make somebody dislike you in a real conversation. Your palms. No, really. I’ll show you. Stand in front of a mirror so you can see the full effect.
Let’s say you met a guy who’s so good looking he makes your teeth ache. Pretend you’re telling him a funny story about the time you asked a co-worker to move a pile of folders from one side of the room to the other. With your palm facing down, point your hand to the imaginary pile, then to where you want it to go. Now, try it again, this time by pointing with your index finger.
Either of those palm positions will make Toothache think you’re a jerk. And he won’t even be able to tell you why. But I can. Research shows both of those hand positions communicate a contemptuous, overbearing personality. Especially, the finger pointing. It’s subconsciously perceived as a symbolic club that you beat the listener with, a kind of over-the-arm blow primates use to attack.
In fact, the research is so clear and so consistent it rises to the level of law: Do not EVER talk to anyone by pointing your finger or turning your palm down. If you’re a habitual finger pointer, stop. Yes, some guys are turned on by macho, command-and-control authority figures, but come on. When was the last time anybody said to themselves, “Tonight I want to meet an arrogant a-hole who thinks I’m an idiot.”
If you want to attract gay men, whether it’s in a gay bar or a party, pay attention to what I call gay body language–the postures, expressions and gestures that men subconsciously use to attract each other. Because it’ll make the difference between going home with a hottie in your arms or your tail between your legs.