Technology is carving into gay life as if it were marble, chiseling an exit path out of America’s closets.
Like civilization, “coming out” can now be split into two epochs: B.C. (Before Cyberspace) and A.C. (After Cyberspace).
Coming out B.C. meant taking huge emotional and physical risks. Remember your first gay club? How could you ever forget the walk from the car to the bar? Anxiety hath no fury like a closeted walk to the disco ball.
But coming out A.C. changes everything. The web doesn’t just allow you to find someone to go to the bar with, it gives you the freedom to skip the bar altogether. The web is changing the status of gay bars as a rite of passage. What started out as a loaded symbol of sexuality is turning into an ordinary place to get loaded.
Unlike bars, sites like Gay.com and Manhunt.net aren’t just about finding other gay people; they’re about finding other gay people you have something in common with. Increasingly, these sites are becoming community centers where you can have point-and-click introductions and bricks-and-mortar meetings.
Any technology that provides privacy is a technology that helps gay people come out. If you’re a gay teen, having a cell phone means you get to talk to people your parents don’t approve of. Like your boyfriend. Cell phones also help fledgling relationships get off the ground. If you’re living in a college dorm filled with straight guys, you probably don’t want your boyfriend leaving messages with your nosy roommate. If society padlocked the closet, Nokia gave us the key.
The ubiquity of those infernal Audix systems in offices across America (“if you know your party’s extension…”) help gay people breathe a little easier, too. They get rid of every closeted businessman’s nightmare: The receptionist who wonders aloud why you only get personal calls from guys.
Technology is helping re-define the gay community, its coming out process, even its dating and sexual practices. It’s a catalyst for the closeted, a commissary for the community, and a harem for the horny. It does all this by giving us the tools to flourish: Privacy and access. By loosening society’s grip on information it prefers us not to have, technology is becoming a symbol for yet another unspeakable “F” word in the minds of social conservatives: Freedom.