From a reader:
I love how guys smell, from fresh sweat (not the same as “BO” for the ignoranti), to crotch and butt (not the same as caca for philistines!). The right smell is 10 times more effective than Viagra. I’ve picked up great looking guys online but if they show up, like they usually do, smelling of soap and baby powder, sorry, but my stick goes south. Before meeting, I’ve tried to tell them indirectly that I don’t like soap smells, but usually they run away as if I’m going to show up smelling like I smeared a Camembert in my crotch. Am I deviant and abnormal? Will ex-gay therapy cure me of this? It seems that everybody has been brainwashed by a 50’s housewife mentality –everything in its place looking pretty. How can I tell guys what I like without having them run away?— Sniff, Sniff
Dear Sniff-Sniff:
You’re scaring people off because you haven’t struck the right tone. Too direct (“I love nicotine-stained underwear!”) and they’re going to hit the delete button like a woodpecker. But too indirect and they’ll do the same thing. Why? Because the absence of information forces people to make negative assumptions.
If you “hint” at liking natural smells without spelling it out, they’re going to think, “Oh, my God. He’s going to make me take a dump and eat the cashews out of it.”
So, be straightforward but diplomatic. I wouldn’t wax rhapsodic about the joys of smelling ripe armpits in your profile. I’d say something more like, “You know how men get turned on by what they see? I get turned on by what I smell. So, my perfect sexual experience would be for you to show up showered without scented soap, cologne or deodorant. Or unshowered, but without smelling like an anchovy’s c*nt.”
Ok, maybe I’d leave out the c*nt part, but you get my point. Ask and you shall receive.