How to Last Longer In Bed.

From a reader:

My question for you, oh wise one, is how to keep myself from coming too quickly while still having fun pumping away. I don’t last but a minute or two once I penetrate somebody. I’m mortified and humiliated but nothing seems to help. I’ve tried distracting myself while I’m inside –counting backwards from 100, picturing dead cats, that sort of thing. Obviously, it ain’t working. What can I do to last longer?

— Help me be a better top!

Dear Help Me:
Premature ejaculation is the most common male sexual dysfunction in men under 30. About 30% of men complain about it. The other 70% complain about not finding anyone to prematurely ejaculate on.

You can go from a two-pump chump to a long-time champ but you need to pay more attention to what you’re feeling, not less. Guys last longer when they can identify and avoid “ejaculatory inevitability.” That’s when you haven’t come but you’re about to and nothing can stop it. Not even Dick Cheney walking in with a thong.

You need a quick lesson on sex before we talk about the solution. There are 5 stages to sexual response. Well, six if you count kicking the jerk out:

1. Desire: Meaning, you want dick worse than Paris Hilton wants photographers.

2. Arousal: An erection your grandmother would be proud of.

3. Plateau: A sense of being drenched with pleasure—the kind you get with any Brad Pitt movie.

4. Orgasm: The technical term for the phrase “Oh, God I’m coming.”

5. Resolution: Your dick goes down; you show him the door.

Guys suffering from premature ejaculation basically skip the plateau phase, where all the action is. They rush to the detonation, in part, because they’re not aware of the subtle cues leading to orgasm. How do you get over it so you can plunge your tricks like stopped-up toilets? With the Stop/Start/Pace Method:

* Stop/Start. When you’re alone, masturbate until you get close to the point of no return then STOP. Do nothing but focus on the sensation of your penis. The urge to orgasm will subside within 3 minutes. Start masturbating again. Do this over and over and you’ll find you’ll last longer and longer.

* Pace. Now masturbate until you get close to coming and instead of stopping, slow down. PACE. Change the speed of your stroke, the pressure and the site of your grip (go from the head, where there’s more nerve endings, to the shaft where there’s less).

* Stop/Start with a Hottie. Have a boyfriend or date masturbate you until you get close to “ejaculatory inevitability” then have him STOP. Basically, follow step 1 only your boyfriend’s doing the work and you’re doing the refereeing.

* Pace Together. Now have your boyfriend masturbate you until you get close to coming and instead of stopping, PACE.

* Top on the Bottom. Don’t top missionary style—it’s harder to relax and concentrate on sensations. Lie flat on your back with your partner sitting on your sausage. Don’t move. Get acclimatized for as long as it takes. Now use the stop/start/pacing method. First, gently thrust up and down. Getting close? Stop. Wait a few minutes. Now have him move up and down. Close? Pace.

* Missionary Style! Enter him when you’re on top. Start moving. S-l-o-w-l-y. Keep using the Stop/Start/Pace method throughout. If your boyfriend or date is any good, he’ll pretend it hurts–that way you’ll feel like you’ve got a big one. Every guy who bottoms knows that a well-timed “Ow!” is the best way to inflate a man’s ego.