Does your inability to stay hard with a condom make you a bottom?

From a reader:

I’m a 21-year-old college student who gets raging hard-ons for my new crush–this sweet, gorgeous guy who’s exactly what I’m looking for. He wants me to top him but the second the condom goes on my cock it goes limp. Does this make me a bottom? I’m getting more and more upset about it, which I’m sure only makes matters worse. Am I alone in this? Does this happen to others? What can I do to keep an erection with a condom on?
— Frustrated as hell

Dear Frustrated:
You’re not alone. I can’t think of anything that’ll give my dick a flat tire more than condoms. Well, okay, vaginas, but let’s not quibble. Here are the reasons you’re losing it and how you can get it back:

1. Focus Interruptus. There you are, kissing, hugging, with his legs around you ready to be plowed like a snowy Minnesota highway. Your whole body is pounding with pleasure and anticipation when suddenly you have to switch from passion to logic. Where are the condoms? Are they in the first or second drawer? And where’s the lube? Do you have enough of it? You stretch to look under the bed and, of course, it’s not there, so now you have to get up to look for it. Ah! There it is! Now look down. Your dick just went from impressive to impossible. Losing your erection is natural when your attention goes from the throbbing excitement of sex to the logical pursuit of safe sex.
Solution: Be prepared. Always keep lube and condoms near the bed. Best bet: Keep a “fun box” near or under your bed so you ALWAYS know where everything is—and always within arm’s reach. Remember, Preparation = Penetration.

2. Condoms Suck. But HIV sucks even more so we’re stuck with the suck. Most of us have an aversion to condoms because of their awful texture, their medical smell and that wonderful power they have to reduce sensations.
Solution: Buy buckets of condoms and spend 20 minutes a day for a few days, opening them, stretching them to the breaking point, noticing the different smells and textures. Do silly things with them like filling them with water, tying their ends and playing catch with them. Why? To desensitize yourself. To take their power away. By the time it’s ‘Showtime’ you won’t be intimidated by them because the look, texture and smell of the rat bastards will be so familiar.

3. Condoms are awkward. Do you open from top to bottom? Side to side? And then once you’ve gotten them open, which side do you put on the head of your dick so you can roll it down? Confusion is a great recipe to scare the hard off your on.
Solution: When you’re alone, get yourself “excited” and put dozens of different condoms on. Notice they’re like socks—there’s a right side and a wrong side. How do you know the difference? The “Teat.” Make sure you put it on with the teat pointing upward. Also, practice opening them quickly and carefully. Stellar Tip: Stick with an easy-to-open brand. For instance, my favorite brand has a slight “V” cut that makes it obvious where to tear it. I notice a lot of condoms don’t have instructions or “clues” like a “V” cut, and you can literally try tearing the four corners of the square before you find the right entry point.

The main thing is to become intimately familiar with condoms BEFORE you have sex. That way you’ll have power over them rather than the other way around.