Guest Blogger Moxie on why her vagina silently weeps.
I realize that this might be considered blogicide of some kind but..what ever. I’ve read some stuff written by women lately that just really, really wants to make me tear my hair out.
For starters, I’m sufficiently annoyed by the “How to Be Single on V-Day and Not Slit Your Wrists!” articles.
Here’s a thought….instead of all those cutesy, fluffy suggestions like buy yourself chocolate and pull that break in case of emergency booty call lever..what if we tell single women to look upon the couples having dinner or holding hands and just…smile at them. Or suggest they go to the gym. Or, you know, do whatever they’d be doing any other freakin’ Sunday. Yep, sure would be nice to get some flowers. But it’s not happening. Not this year at least. But then you still have 12 hours left and you never know what’s around the corner. Oh well..time to do my laundry and go to the gym and get a manicure and live my life! Yes, I know it’s Valentine’s Day. I know because I went to Seven 11 this morning and watched kids buying candy hearts and Peeps and stickers. Know what else? I thought it was adorable. Just like how I found it sweet that the newlyweds in my building were headed out to brunch together holding hands. I don’t hate it or dread it or wish it didn’t exist. My time will come, as will yours if you don’t already have a Valentine. Or maybe you truly don’t feel like you have to have one. That’s cool, too. Can we all just stop with the hating on Valentine’s Day??
Maybe V-Day makes you mooshy inside, maybe it doesn’t. Yes, I understand how it can cause those stirs and pangs to bubble up and make you long for a mate. But must we turn single women in to psychotic, shrill stereotypes? It’s either bitter posts about how Valentine’s day is just some overly commercialized holiday or it’s a transparent attempt at acting all Sassy! and Sexually Empowered! or it’s a sad tale of woe wherein the author reflects upon a lost love or lack there of. Jesus. 3 versions of 3 very tired cliches. Drop it already. It’s one day. It is not a requirement to celebrate it with anything. Not a card. or chocolates or an orgasm or some faux feminista rant.
I’m also pretty much done with all these lists and deal breakers that women create when describing their ideal mate. What? You will only date men with stylish shoes who are over 6 feet tall? And you’re 5’5? ” They make you feel safe, you say? Sweetie, you live alone in a big city, right? You take public transportation by yourself, don’t you? Walk around late at night even? Then stop being such a hypocrite and realize how absurdly counterproductive your dumb list is. SHOES? SERIOUSLY???
Next up? These blood boiling assertions from an article in USA Today
Being faithful is not a priority for Draper, who keeps his hands full with a revolving door of independent, assertive women in the city.
Tony beds woman after woman without a hint of remorse. Besides the standard Mob goomahs, he also has a penchant for successful, powerful women who threaten his home life and his livelihood in various ways.
Before I launch in to my rant…unless you’re Italian, don’t throw around words like “goomahs.” Okay? Please? It doesn’t make you sound in the know or connected. It’s actually a tad insulting. Now, I’m going to guess that either the author of this article (sadly, a female) never actually watched any episodes of this show and merely IMDB’d all the episodes to get a summary OR she’s bat shit crazy herself. As someone who has watched every episode of both series, like many of you I’m sure, I feel confident saying in response to these quotes:
What kind of crack are you smoking?
Neither Tony nor Don took up with powerful, assertive, independent women. They took up with a) whores b)obsessive psychos or c)five stage clingers. Let’s not try and pound that square peg in to a round role just to suit and agenda.
Men like Don Draper and Tony Soprano intentionally sought out lonely, damaged women because they were easier to manipulate and so desperate for love that they let these men walk all over them and abuse them. The women they screwed around with were ones who put on an act or who convinced themselves they were tough and strong – when really they were an emotional mess – and falsely believed they wielded far more power than they actually did. These women also ignored every warning sign possible, and stayed with these men, which is why THEY AREN’T VICTIMS. Don’t glamorize these women because *ahem* certain women need to feel better about being pumped and dumped.
Let’s take Gloria, the Annabella Sciorra character from the Sopranos that played most well known mistress. Hmm..let’s see. She made up a bunch of lies to get Tony’s unsuspecting wife to get in a car with her so she could pump the wife for info about Tony. She pulled a gun on Tony. She threw a half cooked steak at Tony’s head knocking him to the floor. Oh,and she stuck her head in an oven and killed herself. Ooooh..she’s so in control! Watch out there, Tony!
As for Don..well, let’s see. His last mistress was a sad lonely school teacher who sat outside in his car for several hours because Don told her he’d run away with her he just had to “pack some things.” So there she sat while, inside, Don was pleading with his wife to forgive him for lying about his past. He let Lonely Schoolteacher sit there all night. She also, though she denied it, would call the Draper House and hang up or would “happen” to be on the same train that he took in the morning or “happen” to be out jogging at 5am IN THE DARK just as Don’s car was driving past her. Then there was the wife of one of Don’t clients. Her husband abused her and cheated on her. She took up with Don because she wanted him to take her away from her life with her abusive husband. If I remember correctly, Don left her tied to a bed – never actually having sex with her – after her forced her to tell him what a great lover he was and made her beg him for sex.
Ah, yes..so assertive, these gals! Not crazy. Or psycho. Or desperate. Had the author of of this piece actually done their homework instead of cater to some dysfunctional segment of the female population they would have learned that neither Tony nor Don could NOT get the women they truly wanted.
Dr. Melfi (Tony’s therapist) and the woman who took over running her father’s department store? Yeah, those are the two women that neither of these charming, powerful men could woo with their “charms.” Hmm..wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that they, and not the other bimbos, were the ones truly assertive, intelligent and held all the power?
Stop the madness, people. Stop trying to be Samantha Jones or Carrie Bradshaw or Candace Bushnell or Betty Friedan or Camile Paglia or Glenn Close or Tucker Max. Stop being a fucking cliche. Seriously. You’re making my vagina cry.