Kelly Kreth on…WTF!?!!I recently had a life altering interaction with someone who seemingly has no conscience. As a result I became fascinated with what kinds of people “sociopaths” are and how those around them are affected by their behavior. Since it was unsafe to continue to interact with the person in my real life whom I believed to be one, I decided to write to very famous inmates—all safely serving life sentences without hope of parole or who are on Death Row—who have been classified, at least in the press, as being sociopaths.
What better way to learn about their motivations and inner workings than to form a personal relationship with them knowing they will always be safely behind bars? The collected writings, which I call Letters from the Inside, chronicle what they have to say about their crimes, interests, and the prison experience. It gives readers an exclusive look into their thoughts in their own words.
I hope that eventually these letters will form an underlying narrative that reveals tell-tale qualities of sociopaths to help readers understand how these types of people tick in order to protect themselves should they encounter one. While I find these letters and my interactions with the aforementioned prisoners personally fascinating, after a year, I am no closer to a cohesive non-fiction book and what started as a literary project has at times rendered me little more than a strange woman with stacks of letters from convicted murderers in her closet. I guess it is better than living with hordes of cats…
One convicted murderer, a doctor who infamously was reported to have poisoned up to 60 people, has begun writing openly about antisocial personality disorder. While he claims he is “no longer that person,” he has offered me much insight into those without a conscience. How meta—discussing sociopathy with a sociopath is almost like photocopying a mirror. He tries to pass his reflections on to me without seeing them himself.
A few weeks ago he sent me an interesting article that appeared in USA Today about Mad Men’s Don Draper and The Sopranos’ Tony Soprano. The article juxtaposed these two characters, highlighting their similarities. I’d take this comparison a step further, and contend that both have Antisocial Personality Disorder. More captivating still is how these two characters, and men of their ilk, fascinate and seduce women on their respective TV shows (and the TV watching public.) These two men have many commonalities—to each other and to the serial murderer that sent me the article: handsome, powerful, smart, creative, oh-so-charming, but equally oh-so-glib. Most of all, women fall for them, hard.
The article points out that both Draper and Soprano are high-powered businessmen–Draper is a top ad exec and Soprano is the leader of a NJ crime family. Power is sexy and a man with a keen mind can be extremely seductive. Both conceal huge secrets about their past—Draper assumes another man’s identity, while Soprano’s ‘waste management’ business hides his real role of killing and torturing people. Mystery is sexy. Both have passive wives to whom they are consistently unfaithful. Both choose to cheat with dominant, smart, and assertive women–women who eventually threaten their carefully-guarded home lives and sometimes do so right under their wives’ noses. What we want but cannot fully have…again, a turn-on.
Sociopaths enjoy being reckless and endangering others. They feed off getting away with things they shouldn’t and to them, everything is a game. Crippled by boredom, they seek to manipulate and dominate others more for entertainment and amusement than anything else. The threat of getting caught titillates them. Much like a chess player, everything they do is extremely calculated. Only in their case, the pawns are made of flesh and blood instead of wood or enamel. Both Soprano and Draper are unabashedly controlling, particularly of those closest to them such as co-workers and underlings. If they weren’t mere TV characters, the ever-suffering Pete Campbell and Christopher Moltisanti would readily attest to this.
From what I have read, sociopaths are created by a combination of nature and nurture (or lack thereof.) Draper and Soprano, the two carefully crafted, TV narcissists, had tumultuous early family lives which could have contributed greatly to their lack of conscience. Draper’s mother was a prostitute who died during childbirth, and he was raised by an emotionless pair of stepparents. Soprano was very vocal about his mother’s own manipulative behavior and his subsequent associated feelings of being unloved. Later in the series, we even discover that his own mother had once had a hit put out on him.
Assuming that Draper and Soprano are indeed sociopaths, the most interesting question to me is, “Why do Women Fall So Hard for These Types of Men?”
Not being a psychiatrist or psychologist, I can only go by what I have read in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][DSM] IV (the indexed “gold standard” reference for psychiatric disorders) and in other books about this subject. I would hypothesize that Draper and Soprano show many of the signs of a classic antisocial personality disorder, fulfilling the DSM IV criteria:
– Reckless disregard for themselves and others. Remember Draper’s car accident? His excessive drinking? Tony’s calculated murder of Adriana? Both having affairs right under the noses of their wives?
– Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest. While Soprano is much more of a classic criminal than Draper, going so far as to murder repeatedly, Draper is equally deceitful. This is indicated by his repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure.
– Both display a narcissistic personality disorder, are overconfident, constantly preening and think about their feelings far more than those of others.
– Consistent sexual acting out. Both men have constant romantic and sexual dalliances outside of their marriages with little regret unless caught.
Other characteristics are: glibness, superficial charm, clean-cut, normal appearance, lack of remorse (as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt or mistreated others), a persistent agitated or depressed feeling, a tendency to violate the boundaries and rights of others, and difficulties with authority figures.
Check, check and check.
Even though it could be argued that both Soprano and Draper seem to show slight remorse at times, sociopaths are charmers and any guilt is most likely feigned. They say the right things to draw out sympathy in others, but lack that same ability to empathize themselves. Draper and Soprano will do what they must to keep Betsy and Carmela, but because they think of their wives and children as possessions, they cannot and will not modify their own selfish actions for them. They will only act in ways which fulfill their self-interest.
So why do we—and the people around them—find these characters so alluring? Strong, dark, and handsome, with a huge helping of ‘bad boy’ thrown in, it appears women, both fictional and real ones watching at home, are drawn to these two huge personalities. In our technological times—with our constant access to blogging, Twitter, Facebook and other websites which facilitate self promotion and self absorption—it has become the norm to find people fascinated more with themselves than with others. Women have always fallen for the ‘bad boy ‘and are traditionally drawn to the hunter-type Alpha male. It would appear that nowadays, the rules of attraction also favor the cold, calculating, self-interested egoist, but in some cases, this attraction can be extremely harmful, if not deadly.
Instead of these characters’ stories serving as cautionary tales of men gone bad, they have become revered as TV gods of sorts and unfortunately, in some cases, have become whom we aspire to date, instead of whom we should rather sensibly avoid.
What do you think? Have you come across a sociopath or been drawn in by one? Why, and what were the consequences?
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