Like A Pornstar

Like A Pornstar

spermine sperm facial townhouse spa New York Magazine

“I wasn’t expecting so
many people to come at once.”

— Manager, Townhouse Spa, on the popularity of the new sperm facial.

Nah, she didn’t really say that. And I doubt she will. I mean, come on. How many people are going to march themselves up to a fancy schmancy spa and say “spray my face, bitch.” In case you think I’m making this up take a look at New York Magazine’s write-up:

“Spermine, a powerful anti-oxidant originally discovered in, yes, human sperm, is said to diminish wrinkles and smooth the skin. The substance is now being synthesized in laboratories and sold by a Norwegian company called (seriously) Bioforskning. Spermine facials (really) cost $250 at Townhouse Spa, where the substance is penetrated with ultrasound and infrared light (a more basic treatment can be found for $125 at the nearby Graceful Services). Also available at Townhouse for $175: snail-secretion facials.”

Journalist Marty Beckerman went where no (straight) man has gone before and actually filmed himself getting the treat(ment). “Milk it for all it’s worth,” teased his friends. Here’s the preamble to his essay:

“There are two kinds of journalists: those who observe and those who report. Although cowards from New York, Allure and Frisky have gossiped about a $250 Norwegian “Spermine” beauty treatment offered at an upscale NYC spa, I’m the only writer who has the balls (so to speak) to receive a load in the face.”

I’ve always wanted to see a straight guy get his bread buttered but this isn’t exactly how I pictured it:
Oh, well. There’s always Broke Straight Boys.