The newest sex slang…from Thighbrows to Dicknotized!

After my recent discovery of the A-spot, I started realizing I’m not as up to speed on being a self designated sexpert as I thought. I’ve been pouring through sex books and the internet trying to get my game back.  My game is lame. I learned so many things I didn’t know and so many sex terms I’d never encountered. I thought I’d share some of them with you because believe me you don’t want to be lame in the sex game.

For further clarification, I’ve stated the term, I’ve given the definition as used in the literature and then I tell it like I see it to insure you understand how to be fluent in the terms when they come up in a casual conversation. This will come in handy in the event of an unexpected pop quiz, if you’re out drinking one night and someone nonchalantly throws out one of these terms or a guy says something to you like “I’ve got a diamond cutter here for you.”

• Afrodisiac – sexy looking black man (Denzel is my afrodisiac of choice)
• Banger – Brit term for penis (would you look at the banger on that guy in the tight black jeans)
• Banger hangar – vagina (my banger hangar is wet for that guy in the tight black jeans)
• Beard burn – inner thigh burn on women caused by receiving oral sex from a man with a five o’clock shadow (honey would you bring me the Neosporin, I’ve got a damn beard burn again)
• Bone yard – area in prisons where conjugal visits occur (I’d love to meet you for lunch Betty but Johnny’s got his bone yard visit this weekend and I’ve got to get a wax)
• Booster shot – a one night stand (If I hadn’t gotten that booster shot, I was going to have to call Dave for a booty call)
• Booth troll – people (primarily men) who cruise video booths at adult sex stores (let’s go down to Dildos and Movies and see if we can roost ourselves up a couple of booth trolls)
• Cam whore – person who spends their time in from of a webcam (since Ralph is out of town tonight, I’m going to ring up Dennis and be a cam whore)
• Chew toy – someone you’re having sex with on the side (out of all my chew toys, Tony is my favorite)
• Come cup – a device that attaches to the end of a vibrator and fits the glans of the penis (hold still I’m trying to get the cum cup on your head)
• Cotton tail- person wearing a bathing suit around nude sunbathers (I hate it when those cotton tail perverts just come to the beach to gawk)
• Cream pie – a woman’s vagina with ejaculate dripping out (you’d think she’d have known better than to bring a cream pie out to the beach)
• Cupid’s hotel – vagina (I’ve got to run now and get my wax, John wants to visit Cupid’s hotel tonight)
• Dairy queen – a gay guy who likes to suck on his male partner’s nipples (Max latched on to my nipples like a fucking dairy queen)
• Diamond cutter – an erection so hard it almost hurts (Damn Quinton, you’d think you hadn’t had sex in a week with that diamond cutter)
• Dicknotized – when a man or woman is obsessed by their partner’s dick (after that first night with Tom, I was dicknotized)
• Eat out – oral on a woman (Fred said to shower because he wanted to eat out tonight)
• Fanny magnet – Brit term for something that attracts the opposite sex (those 5 inch Jimmy Choos are a fanny magnet)
• Fifty-footer – a person that looks hot from across the room but less attractive as you get closer (I got excited at Marge’s party about that Canadian writer until I realized he was a fifty-footer)
• Freeballing – when a guy goes sans underwear (Did you notice that Dick was freeballing in those white linen pants at the church picnic on Sunday?)
• Jack’n’Jill parties – gatherings where men and women masturbate in front of each other (the last time I went to a Jack’n’Jill party, my skin looked great for weeks)
• Merkin – wig for the pubic area (just for something different, I decided to wear the merkin tonight)
• Pearl necklace – coming on a woman’s chest (Sandra you won’t believe it, this morning Mike told me he wanted to give me a pearl necklace for his birthday)
• Pit job – intercourse using the arm pit as the receptacle (tonight I’ve got something special planned for Jessie, I’m going to let him give me a pit job)
• Priapism – a perpetual hard on (I told George not to take two of those damn Viagra, now it’s another Saturday night at Mercy General waiting for the priapism to subside)
• Pussy whipped – a condition where a man will do anything for some pussy (I have him so pussy whipped he brings me coffee in bed every morning)
• Queening – face sitting during sex (don’t get smart with me or you’re going to get the queening of your life tonight)
• Road erection – an erection caused by sitting in a vibrating vehicle that stimulates the penis (every time you ride that Harley, you come home with road erection)
• Size queen – a person who likes guys who are well endowed (he ain’t nothing but a size queen)
• Slick – genitals that have been shaved or waxed (I hope Bill spent some time in the shower this afternoon getting slick. I hate getting those hairs between my teeth.)
• Swing low – oral sex (tonight at the drive-in movie theater, I’m going to surprise Todd by swinging low under the popcorn bag)
• Tea bagging – when a man lowers his testicles into a partner’s mouth (as a Democrat, that’s the only kind of tea bagging I can condone)
• Thigh brow – unsightly pubic hair sticking from the sides of underwear or a bikini (do you want me to tell Teresa about the thigh brow or do you want to do it?)
• Upskirt – porn shot up an unsuspecting women’s dress (I never wear panties just in case somebody tries to do an upskirt. I figure I’ll give them a thrill)
• Yiff – internet slang for sex (honey get out of that titty bar and come home and yiff me?)

See. I bet you learned something new. Now you can go out in public without fear of humiliating yourself.