I erased my wrinkles with a Taser Gun.

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Today was number five in the series of six Fraxel treatments in my mission to lead a wrinkle-free life.

Unfortunately I forgot to apply my lidocaine ointment an hour before because I was in a huge tearing hurry to go purchase “True Blood-Season One”, so that I could spend some quality recuperation time with Alexander Skarsgard this afternoon.

So I had to go this treatment sans numbing ointment which hurts like burning hell. Just tap your face with a live wire about sixty times or so. Make sure you get into the hairline too, so that you have that burning flesh and hair smell.

We didn’t use as high a setting today as treatment number 4, so do note the lack of open, blood oozing wounds showing today. I mentioned to her that I was down for over a week with the last treatment, even after three weeks I still had the pixilated stamp effect known as the Mark of the Fraxel. It looks like someone had taken a hot poker or a car lighter and stamped all over me, plus it hurt like hell for days. However, I really noticed the difference after treatment four also. I had planned on getting some more Radiesse shot into my marionette lines since I looked so saggy in the last Fraxel series picture, but I saw a tremendous amount of tightening in my lower face area once the redness had gone away. Let me show you a side by side analysis, and tell me what you think:

Treatment 4

Treatment 5

Yes my pretties, Fraxel works wonders. My neck is where I notice the most change, I’ve lost that little turkey flap thing under my chin that I would pinch on all the time. After seeing so many face lifts, I have decided I would rather not have one.It seems once you do, you have to keep going back for re-tightening repeatedly and I really don’t want to ever have the horrible ears pinned back look if I can avoid it. Have you ever looked at Barbara Walter’s hair line? It’s diagonal for god’s sake, I’m assuming her hairdresser can’t get her hair any closer to her face to disguise those ears because of the bizarre angle her hair sweeps back into.

Or poor Rupert Everett.I can’t decide if he’s actually had surgery or just a huge amount of filler put in. The fullness of his new face looks a lot like Sculptra and perhaps he’s had a little eye lift action.

Did anyone happen to see Lisa Rinna on “The Doctors” Monday? I plugged into the headset on the elliptical machine to listen to the show yesterday while working out and I felt so bad when she talked about what happened to her lips. Cross my implants and hope to …well..whatever. I won’t make fun of her anymore, I promise. I didn’t realize she had permanently screwed them up with silicone. That stuff is hard as a rock. Now remember what I told you when I had my lips done with Juvederm; you can’t roll your upper lip back over your teeth for about a week or so because your lip is too puffy. But at least it’s flexible afterward and you can still mold it around your partner. Her mouth must feel like a glory hole, but perhaps that works for her hubby. Since she can’t possibly get that lip over her incisors, I’m hoping that in her new book, “Rinnavation”, she discusses how she does it because I’m really nosy that way.

I’m guessing dental dam. In fact she should actually market a specialized dental dam. They could be sort of like a pocket pussy except lip shaped, sort of like those old wax lips you could get when you were a kid.

I’d call them: “Blow Holes”. Slick a little “Dick Gloss” on there and you’re good to go.

Love and Kisses,

Cult Diva

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“The F Bomb Dropped On My Face”