The gray was spreading down there like kudzu, so guest blogger Deborah Bailey went Brazilian. Here’s her hilarious account.
I know I’m not the only woman who struggles to keep the carpet matching the drapes. You know that never ending battle to keep the hair on your head and your pubic hair the same color. I can’t imagine how a bleached blonde’s able to convince some man that she’s a natural blonde with the obvious brown bush down below.
Being a bottle redhead for thirty-five years, nearly everyone I know thinks I have natural red hair. The problem with this red head addiction in middle-age is that I’ve gotten extremely gray. That’s a pain in the ass because I have to go to Bubba, my gay hairdresser in East Point every three weeks for a root touch up to hide the evidence of this spreading gray plague that’s taken over my hair.
The bigger pain in the ass is when I started noticing the gray hair down there. It was relentless, all spirally and spreading like kudzu. I saw an ad on Craigslist for a pubic hair artist. I know it’s hard to believe that’s someone’s job title but there it was on my computer screen along with her complete va-jay-jay portfolio.
The pictures were grouped in categories. It appears that this artist can do things with pubic hair that you could never imagine. I saw privates in every size, shape, and color. There were pink ones, yellow ones, and black and white striped ones. There were vaginas with various levels of waxing from festive shapes to completely bare and everything in between. I didn’t know that there was an art form called pussy art and how does someone choose such a profession? One day did she wake up and say “Mama, Daddy, I have decided when I grow up, I want to create a world of perfectly groomed vaginas? That’s my life purpose.”
I called the phone number in the ad and Andrea, the artist answered. I told her I’d seen her ad and wanted to make an appointment for a Brazilian. A Brazilian is a wax where ALL the hair on the vagina is completely removed. I arrived at the studio and tried to appear nonchalant while trying to make light of the fact that I’m lying naked from the waist down with my legs spread apart and she has her head a few feet away from my vagina inspecting it like it was a rare jewel.
Andrea spread the hot wax over various areas of my vagina, letting it cool and then ripping it off, taking all the gray evidence with it. I didn’t realize I had to be a yoga master to get a Brazilian wax but she had me contorting my legs in all kinds of positions to get every single hair from every nook, cranny and crevice. Next I was told to turn over and crouch on all fours and spread my cheeks while she waxed my ass. When she finished she told me to turn over again and passed me a hand mirror so that I could examine her handy work.
Lo and behold. Silky, smooth and not a gray hair in sight. Besides the obvious benefit of “no gray hair down there, I’ve found that I’m much more sensitive and orgasmic. So despite the pain, which is short-lived, I highly recommend it. Eva Longoria swears by them, having been quoted as saying she’s never had orgasms like she does since having a Brazilian wax.” Once you go Brazilian, you may never go back.