Men’s sex fantasies

Angelina Jolie has a proposition for you: First, she wants to watch you have sex with Brad Pitt, and then she’ll have sex with you. Do you go for it?

Yes 19%

No 81%

Hmmm, maybe I’m not the only one who thinks Angelina Jolie is gross.

Would it turn you on to see your girl have sex with another guy?

Yes 12%

No 88%

Of course not, we all know dudes want to watch their girl have sex with another girl.

Have you ever…

Measured your penis?

Yes 67%

No 33%

Nah, those 33% are lying. The only guys who haven’t done this have eensy-weensy peenies.

Faked an orgasm during intercourse?

Yes 24%

No 76%

Hmmm, how well could this work? Without condom…”Where’s the wet spot?” With condom…”Gee that condom looks like new!”

Had sex with a woman you actively disliked?

Yes 27%

No 73%

Oh, please. Since when did liking someone have anything to do with hooking up?

What if…

You could be certain that your wife or girlfriend would never know that you had sex with any of her friends. Would you?

Yes 29%

No 71%

This looks good at first, but think about it. Nearly one-third said yes! And that includes the married dudes!

You could make love in only one position for the rest of your life? Which one would you choose?

Woman-on-top 43%

Doggy-style 28%

Missionary 25%

Spooning 4%

Interesting. Cosmo says the majority of guys prefer doggy-style.

Let’s talk about sex partners

Approximately how many sexual partners have you had in the past 12 months?

None:  12%

1-2:  74%

3-5:  10%

6-10:  2%

More than 10:  2%

Three quarters say 1-2. Are those guys in relationships, or are they just losers?

If you had sex with a new partner in the past 12 months, did you use a condom every time?

Yes 62%

No 38%

Mr. No had better get his act together. Don’t let him get away with that.

Would you rather: the sex edition

Would you rather marry a woman 20 years older than your or 20 pounds heavier than you?

20 years older 53%

20 pounds heavier 47%

Whoo hoo! There’s hope for us Cougars!

Which would you rather be:

5’2″ tall with a seven-inch penis 68%

6’2″ tall with a three-inch penis 32%

Haha don’t they know that seven inches hurts like hell? Stop pounding my cervix!

Your partner’s pleasure

Compared with other men, how good do you think you are in the sack?

I’m in the top 10 percent 18%

I’m better than most 45%

I’m average 34%

I’m worse than most 3%

Men hate this more than anything! Best last word when you’ve been dumped: “Oh yeah, and you’re a shitty lay.”

Who do you think gets more pleasure out of sex: you or your partner?

Me 57%

My partner 43%

Men routinely overestimate how often women have orgasms. So stop faking girls, you’re giving him credit for something he doesn’t deserve!

What men really want

Which body part do you wish your wife or girlfriend would pay more attention to?

My penis 52%

The boys 17%

My back door 4%

My nonsexual parts-I have nerve endings everywhere 27%

Try taking the penis out for coffee, and be sure to ask “How was your day, peenie?”

If your girlfriend could be good at only one of the following, at which would you want her to excel?

Oral sex 48%

Cooking 45%

Sports 7%

Awesome, I was just about to start dinner!

Sex dealbreakers for men

Which of the following would make you stop in the middle of intercourse?

If she called out her ex’s name 61%

If she took a phone call 60%

If she seemed really drunk and out of it 35%

If she farted 25%

Nothing-not even the sound of a fire alarm 10%

Haha, 40% would keep going if she took a phone call! Also, I guess you should lay off the burritos before hooking up. Does a queef count? Cuz that’s his fault.

Which of the following would make you the most uncomfortable? Dating a woman, who, compared with you, is:

More sexually experienced 31%

A better athlete 17%

Smarter 17%

More successful in her career 16%

Wealthier 11%

Funnier 8%

Translation: Sluts need not apply.

3 more musings from men

Which best describes how you felt when you lost your virginity?

It was a wonderful experience 63%

It was emotionally difficult 6%

It was a big nothing 31%

Gee, it’s encouraging to know that it’s often a big nothing for guys too.

Have you ever tasted your own, um, “stuff”?

Yes 20% No 80%

Note to the twenty percent: Please explain.

What’s your view on the “bro-zilian” (men waxing down there)?

I’d rather not, but I’d do it for her 41%

Who do I look like-Michael Phelps? Men are supposed to have hair 33%

I’m pro-bro-zilian. A tree looks larger in the desert than surrounded by bushes-plus it’s cleaner 25%

Awwww, sweet. Forty-one percent would do it for her.