Stalking your ex-girlfriend, harassing her family and trash texting on Twitter like it’s your public Burn Book.
Either you’re using the Method approach to reprise Glenn Close’s role in “Fatal Attraction” or your definition of me-time is severely whack.
Uh, excuse me, Miss Lohan — may I call you Lindsay? You don’t know me, but it seems to me that you need a friend right about now; or maybe a compassionate third party to sit you down and tell it to you straight. Oh, sorry — I mean gayly forward.
We could go somewhere quiet to talk, away from the paps, West Hollywood and TMZ. Like Iowa. We’ll order up a couple of venti soy lattes, roll up our sleeves and work through this shit together.
So. Girl trouble, eh? I heard that you broke it off with Samantha because you want to focus on yourself. I respect that. But news from the Ronson camp is saying that you’re kinda sorta stalking your ex. Gate crashing private parties, harassing her family and trash texting on Twitter like it’s your public Burn Book. What about the alleged claims of drug use and cutting yourself? And now the threat of a restraining order? Either you’re using the Method approach to reprise Glenn Close’s role in a re-make of “Fatal Attraction” or your definition of me-time is severely whack.
Linds, here’s the thing: you’ve got commitment issues. And I’m not talking about talking about Sam. I’m talking about your inability to commit to yourself.
Now don’t put on your Jackie-O sunglasses and try to freeze me out; you need to hear this, young lady, so sit back down. I also heard that in a last ditch effort to win back Sam’s affections you have even offered to convert to Judaism for her. And while I think a strong wake up call from a Higher Power could do you some good, you can’t pursue her this way. Not by using religion as a strategy to hold on to something that’s trying to let go.
The path to spirituality should be traveled with a genuine desire to grow as an individual. You’re not opening yourself up to discover Judaism for what it can bring you. You want Judaism to help you get Sam back. This gesture to take up the Faith may seem like it’s motivated by love, but it could more likely be fueled by insecurity or fear. And how exactly will the act of conversion deepen a bond if you’re just going through the motions? Have you been getting advice from Tom Cruise again? Sweetie, what I’m trying to say is this: You can’t convert religions to please your girlfriend if your girlfriend IS your religion. Some might say that your devotion is crossing over to a cult-like obsession.
I believe that Sam brought out something in you. Apparently. I think she provided a safe place for you to escape from those media-whore parents and for once enjoy real companionship. But maybe it’s time for you to take some time and assess your journey up to this point. Do you really know what you want, really? Nearly every picture I see shows you walking ahead of Samantha. And I can’t tell whether she doesn’t want to keep up or whether you want to get away.
Well, I’m glad we could talk like this, Lindsay. Do me a favor, will ya? Get some alone time. Focus on you. Have a good cry and get some sleep. Stop running around so much, rent some Netflix and take the night off. Stop fucking around with drugs and do something meaningful, productive and stable with your life. Like acting.