History unfolded before us last night. And I’m proud to say that my vote was one of the snowflakes that created the avalanche.
Obama will be good for the country but will he be good for sex? I think so. We’re going to go from Recession Sex (doing it to get over something) to Recovery Sex (doing it to get under something).
Like most of Obama’s approaches, I’m sure his plan for our sexual recovery will be as well-thought out as his plan for our economic recovery. My guess is he’s going to use a modified 12-step program:
Step 1: Admit we are powerless; that our lives have become unmanageable.
(We have to admit we had too much meaningless sex and it left us spent, unable to move forward. Or back. And a little to the side)
Step 2: Believe that a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity.
(Better Obama than that dildo with the kick-start.)
Step 3: Turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
(Well, we did that when we pulled the lever).
Step 4 Make a fearless moral inventory of ourselves
(Wall Street made us realize that investing without oversight is like sex without condoms. . . we got infected with something Lysol can’t spray away).
Step 5: Admit to God, to ourselves and to another human beings the exact nature of our wrongs
(“Honey, I really do watch as much porn as you think”)
Step 6: Be ready to have God remove all these defects of character
(Do it, Obama! That’s why we elected you)
Step 7: Humbly ask God to remove our shortcomings
(Although the Republicans can still filibuster)
Step 8: Make a list of all persons we’ve harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all
(If we start now we’ll be done by his first term)
Step 9: Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
(Hedge Fund managers, being the exception)
Step 10: Continue to take personal inventory and when we are wrong promptly admit it
(Especially when we make our partners the third wheel in the three way.)
Step 11: Seek through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand God.
(“Please God, let the hottie pick me!)
Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
(especially the marital ones)
Welcome to “Recovery Sex” everyone! Don’t fall off the wagon…unless there’s a bed to break your fall.