Liar, Liar.

The New York Times had a great article on the latest study of infidelity.  Though the real news, as editors saw it, was the rise of infidelity among women over the past few years, I couldn’t get past the overall number:

 

Married men who cheat in a given year:           12%

Married women who cheat in a given year:      7%

 

Men who cheat over their lifetime:                28%  

Women who cheat over their lifetime:        15%

 

Please.  These numbers are so low they could walk under a closed door.  With a hat.  Almost all studies tend to have what are called “statistical outliers” — Numbers that are so off the average they suggest they’re part of a different population or that the sample is weak.  These infidelity figures are so low, I’d like to suggest a new term for the study of infidelity:  Statistical Outliars.  

With the divorce rate hovering at 50% and infidelity cited as one of the top three reasons for splitting up, how the hell can you believe a study that shows such low numbers?  The article acknowledges the difficulty in getting people to fess up to strangers, but it doesn’t go far enough.  Yes, the numbers are extremely low when face to face studies are conducted.  And they shoot up when it’s done on the internet because it provides a lot more anonymity.  

But still, what kind of idiot do you have to be to tell a stranger that you’re boinking somebody who isn’t your spouse?  The fear of that information getting out would make a lot, if not most of us, go into truthiness overdrive. 

And let’s not forget the ever-expanding capacity for people, especially men, to rationalize their behavior so that they can lie and feel like they’re telling the truth.  

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman” anybody?

Or “It depends on what your meaning of ‘is’ is?”

I’m always amazed by letters I get from people who don’t consider sleeping around cheating because they didn’t stick it in the right orifice.  Right.  Is a test any less of a test because it was an oral exam?

My point is that it’s ridiculous to ask somebody a question that makes them admit to others a behavior they don’t admit to themselves.   You know why the Centers for Disease Control does not use the word “Gay” when reporting HIV infections?  When they ask somebody if they’re gay the answer is a WHOLE LOT LOWER than if they ask them if they’ve had sex with another man.  So they tag it MSM (men having sex with men) rather than gay.

The infidelity study I’d like to see would have the following question.  I think you’d get a more accurate number, if not a more interesting one:

 

“Do you think your partner has ever cheated on you?”