Yo, Mike!
I’m 24 and have not really had a proper long-term relationship.  I’ve never had much trouble getting guys into bed, so there’s normally a decent amount of sex flying around.  The problem is I’m a bit of a hypocrite.  If a guy likes me for “more than sex” straight off the bat, I kinda lose interest, even if I’m attracted to him.   I tend to fall for the guys that I sort of like at first, but who then don’t reciprocate.  It’s like their lack of interest just rocks my world.

Normally, I hate playing “the game” (acting hard to get, feigning disinterest, etc), so if I like someone, they will know it.  But when I get the same treatment from other guys, I find it…. boring?

Is this normal? Should I just hang around till the right balance between him liking me, and me liking him comes along?  Or am I a rejection junky?

–  Screwed

 

Dear Screwed,

You’re not a rejection junkie; you’re a new meat junkie.   Big difference.  Oh, and that bullshit about not liking the game?  Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.  You love the game –as long as you’re the dealer and not the dealt with.  Here’s why you’re chasing your tail and how you can stop:

 

1.  The Hunt is More Exciting For You Than the Catch.

The pursuit is giving you something that being pursued does not:  Anticipation, excitement, spontaneity, conquest and drama.  OH GOD, THE DRAMA!  And of course, that New Dick Smell.   

The solution:  Trade in the fruits of the pursuit for the benefits of a boyfriend.  That means accepting less of what you’re getting plenty of-excitement and drama, in return for what you’re getting none of-intimacy and bonding.  How do you do that?  By knowing what you don’t know.  And what you don’t know is the excitement of being with someone you truly love.   What you don’t know is how intimacy creates mind-blowing sex.  Be curious.  Find out. 

You also need to exercise a little impulse control.   Don’t ‘mancan’ a guy after a week or two.  Wait a month.  You might be kicking the love of your life to the curb without knowing it. Dating isn’t just about giving your dick a new career; it’s also about discovering qualities in a guy that aren’t immediately noticeable.   I’ve had two “tricks” that turned into long-term boyfriends-thank God I didn’t do then what you’re doing now. 

 

2)  You’ve Confused Sexual Conquest with Self-Acceptance.

You’re an acceptance vampire, hungering for warm, life-giving dick.   Once you’ve buried your fangs in somebody they’re of no use to you anymore.   You need a constant supply of fresh acceptance or you’ll die.  Or rather, your ego will.

The solution:   Put a stake through the heart of your ego.  You’re convinced that your self-worth is based on how many guys you can get to like you, making it impossible to be in a relationship.  There are great reasons to be a whore; a lack of self-esteem ain’t one of them.   Read Eckhart Tolle’s book, The New Earth.  It’ll give you a great understanding of how your ego keeps you from getting what you want and how you can stop it. 

I’m not going to pump sunshine up your ass and tell you any of this is easy to do.  But if you don’t change direction you’re going to end up where you’re headed-a love life defined by a single word:  “Next!”