It’s the one where you lay on your back, put your arms above your head…
…and let your partner do all the work.
Sorry for the jab, Michael– not really talking about you, but people like you. Beautiful people with beautiful bodies. And what they’re like in bed. Anybody lucky enough to bag somebody way out of their league knows what I’m getting at:
Gorgeous guys make lousy lays.
They’re like restaurants in great locations–they don’t have to give good eats or good service because they don’t have to–the line’s out the door. Every session with a gorgeous guy is a three-way—you, him, and his ego. One girlfriend told me she went home with guy so high up in the beauty chart she got nose bleeds just looking at him. But he sucked in the sack. “I might as well have masturbated to his picture, for all the attention he gave to me,” she said.
You’d think Boys Burdened with Beauty would be great in bed just from the sheer volume of sex they have. But practice doesn’t make perfect if all you’re practicing is being adored. Or serviced. In my own experience of bagging the burdened, I could sense the expectation of the status imbalance: Since I was at the bottom of the pecking order I was to do all the pecking.
There’s one exception: Guys who grew into their beauty–the fatties and nerds who bloomed later in life. They experienced the sting of rejection, the pain of being sexually invisible. And through their suffering they learned an open secret about great sex: Giving pleasure is often hotter than taking it.