Is Your Butt Too Dirty For Anal Sex?

 

How to prepare for anal play? Know how dirty you are before you do anything.

Although the anal canal and rectum are not storage devices for feces, it’s not exactly like you can eat off your anus like it were Aunt Edna’s kitchen floor. In our earlier exercises, you’ll note that when you pulled your finger out, it was mostly clean but it won’t win the starring role in a Purell commercial. So the first step in getting yourself clean is to act like a good CSI detective, case the joint and find out if a grime was committed.

Find Out How Dirty You Are Without Inserting A Finger

You don’t have to stick a finger where the sun don’t shine to assess the level of fudge and sludge in your anal canal. You can just look at the toilet after you’ve deposited the remains of the day. The size, shape, and color of your poop will determine how much residue is left in your rectum.

Let’s start the analysis with the sound your stools make as they hit the toilet water. I’d like to quote Dr. Mehmet Oz’s unforgettable observation:

“You want to hear what the stool, the poop, sounds like when it hits the water. If it sounds like a bombardier, you know, ‘plop, plop, plop,’ that’s not right because it means you’re constipated. It means the food is too hard by the time it comes out. It should hit the water like a diver from Acapulco hits the water [swoosh].”

After hearing the swoosh sound (hopefully) look down. Your stool should be an S shape. That signifies that the stool is firm enough that it doesn’t break off in little pieces but soft enough so it doesn’t hurt coming out.

Don’t worry about the frequency of your bowel movement. “Normal” can be as often as three times a day or as infrequent as three times per week. You’re better off paying attention to the shape, consistency, and how the bowel movement smells.

Feces, Don’t Fail Me Now

Healthy bowel movements should not put the next person using the bathroom in an iron lung. Strong or foul-smelling stool means there’s something wrong with your diet.

You can also look at your underwear. Are tire tracks making them look like a NASCAR event? If you do a little finger mopping up there and come out with more than just a faint residue (there will always be a little) you can bet the culprit is your diet.

This is how to prepare for first time anal–diagnosing the dirt accurately!