How To Top A Guy Step 3
THRUSTING TECHNIQUES
In porn, tops have a three-step technique: Force it, pack it, stuff it. This grab-it-and-growl school of penetration is a total fantasy that only works with a handful of meat-starved power-bottom nymphos. With your newbie partner? Not so much.
If you’re not extra sensitive during the first moments of penetration, your partner’s rectal muscles will constrict the puborectal sling and straighten the S-curve while your penis is in there! He won’t be the only one crying out in pain–you will too.
By the way, rectal muscles clamp down in response to fear, stress, and anxiety—in or out of bed. When you describe an uptight guy as a “tight ass,” you aren’t just commenting on his personality. His puborectal muscles really are wound up tighter than a Baptist minister’s wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.
Never Thrust The First Few Moments Of Penetration
Once you’re in you’ve got to give your partner’s body time to adjust. The anal canal is extremely adaptable–it can easily accommodate the size and width of an erect penis, but this can only happen slowly. Did I say slowly? Because I meant S-L-O-W-L-Y.
If you start thrusting right away you’re going to seriously hurt your partner and create a whole lot of mistrust that might shut the whole scene down.
FREEZE when you first enter him completely. Stay exactly where you are. Enjoy the tight, wet sensation as his body acclimatizes to its new expansion. Stay still and give your partner’s rectal muscles a chance to re-interpret the insertion of your penis from “Attack!” to “Ooh, pizza delivery!”
If you’ve entered him correctly—amped up his pre-penetration desire so that he’s more receptive to your hard penis, put him in a position that straightens his S-curve, used the :60 Sphincter Release technique and penetrated him at 45 degrees away from his navel–he should be at perhaps different levels of discomfort, but no real pain.
Understanding the difference between pain and discomfort can help avoid injury and develop a peak sexual experience. Pain is searing and sharp. Discomfort is more of a dull pressure.
Pain is a signal that something is wrong. Discomfort is a signal that you’re feeling something unfamiliar.
Pain is something to avoid; discomfort is something to accept. Once you get used to discomfort it goes away and gets replaced with pleasure. Not so with pain. Enduring discomfort will open up new sexual vistas. Enduring pain will open up new rooms at the ER.
How Often Should You Check In With Your Partner?
Asking your partner if he’s okay shows concern for his well-being. Asking him for the tenth time betrays your insecurities. There is a thin line between the two. If you don’t ask enough questions it’ll look like you don’t care, but ask too many and you’ll come across as neurotic, timid, or unsure–not exactly the qualities people look for in a dominant top.
You don’t always have to verbally check in as long as you’re attuned to what’s going on with him and act accordingly. If you see your partner having a good time keep going. If he looks like he’s in pain, STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING. If you can’t tell, ask him.
Once You’re In, Then What?
Go slow. Did I say slow? Because I meant S-L-O-W. Remember the mantra of every guy who’s ever bottomed: An inch feels like a foot. The tissues, muscles, sling, and sphincter muscles in the puborectal area need to feel safe before they can relax (and become aroused).
The faster and more forceful you go in the beginning, the more your partner’s body is going to clench down. You are much better off gradually working your way toward thrusting and then gradually speeding it up.
For The Gay Top
Thrusting Techniques Your Partner Will Love
Thrusts are rhythmic, in-and-out movements that increase pleasurable sensations. Gay power tops know it isn’t just about in and out, and in and out, and did I mention, in and out?
They know creative thrusting techniques will add new dimensions of pleasure; that each type of thrust takes their partner further into a journey that will end in an explosive destination.
Before we take a look at the pulsing world of thrusting, let’s talk about lubrication. When it comes to lube, nothing succeeds like excess. Use a lot of it before and during anal play.
You should be able to glide in and out of your partner’s body, effortlessly and smoothly, without causing any discomfort or pain– while still being able to feel some “traction.” You cannot do this effectively without frequently applying a lot of lube, so don’t be stingy with the stuff.
The Long, Slow, and Deep
Long, slow, and deep penetration is a great way to slow time, increase arousal, and let him feel the entirety of your penis. It’s also a great way for you to feel the snugness of his ass from base to glans. After having gradually worked your way to full penetration, take some time, and just enjoy the lusciousness of the entire penis moving in and out. Going slow when you’re topping a guy can also create some unusually intimate moments, especially if you lock eyes as you go in slowly.
The Press And Hold
Slide your cock as far into your guy as you can and hold yourself there. As stated earlier, this is good to do in the first few minutes after initially penetrating him because it lets his rectum acclimate to being filled up.
The best gay tops know this is a great technique to use later, especially if you want to introduce a little emotion or romance. There’s something about just being in his body, with no movement, that creates an aura of union that thrusting sometimes glosses over.
The Crescendo and Decrescendo
Like a good piece of music, you can gradually get louder and faster, build to a crescendo and then gradually soften the intensity and slow the speed to a pause.
And then start the voyage again.
The Pacer
Don’t underestimate the value of medium-paced thrusts (slower than fast, faster than slow). Your partner will get to experience the full length of your penis, a sensation that can get lost if you thrust too quickly.
The Pounding
This is where a top, in gay terms, distinguishes himself. This is when sex is like playing the guitar—you grab it by the neck and make it holler. It’s when you go fast and hard without mercy. This is your chance to lose control and fuck him with reckless abandon. Think raging gladiator not panting Pomeranian.
Taking him to Pound Town should account for anywhere between 10-30% of a sexual encounter. Is that a little or a lot? A little, if you’re in shape; a lot if you’re not. If you start running out of steam but know that you need to take it up a notch, consider making your thrusts harder rather than faster.
The Jack Rabbit
This technique is Pound Town-adjacent for all types of gay tops. The thrusts are hard, but shallower and faster. Generally speaking, you can give your partner a more intense orgasm by speeding up your thrusts. Partly it’s because his prostate responds better to shallow, faster motions (your penis stimulates it as you go in and out of him), and partly it’s because males generally like an increase in speed and pressure as they approach orgasm.
The Stop/Start
You can spice up a sexual encounter by suddenly and dramatically stopping, waiting a beat, and then starting again. Don’t do it too often because changing your thrusting pace is likely to throw off your partner’s rhythm.
Intercourse is a dance, and if you don’t give your partner some kind of signal of where you’re going you’ll end up wondering why you had no chemistry in bed.
Let’s wrap up with a few classic Tantric techniques:
The Thrusts Of The Heron
Go deep for three consecutive thrusts, then go shallow. Think of it as crime prevention: Three strikes and you’re out.
The Thrusts Of The Dragon
Nine times deep, one time shallow. Then reverse.
The Thrusts Of The Phoenix
Run a pattern– 9 deep/1shallow, 8 deep/2 shallow, 7 deep/3 shallow, and so on until you reverse it and get to 1 deep/9 shallow.
Hey, it’s the new math.
The Mouse
Quick and shallow thrusts.
The Eagle
Hold your penis motionless at the entrance of his starfish then swoop in quickly and deeply–like your friends do when they see you talking to a hot guy.
THE GOLDEN RULES OF THRUSTING
Thrusting techniques will help improve your lovemaking but don’t get too caught up in them. An overemphasis on mechanics will make you a skilled laborer, not a passionate lover.
Fluidity and flow are your goals, not any preconceived notions of the “right” kind of thrusting. The best tops see thrusting techniques as a feature of their lovemaking, not as goals to achieve.
Remember, you’re not thrusting into a lifeless masturbation sleeve. There’s someone attached to the orifice you’re penetrating and you have to learn to work with him, not just on him.
If he’s any good your partner will dance with you, not just act like the maypole you dance around. He’ll dip to the left when you dip to the right. He’ll meet the oncoming penis with an incoming pelvis. He’ll breathe in when you breathe out, lunge when you plunge, and tuck when you buck.
It’s important to keep your partner’s pleasure front and center. We can do that by observing the three commandments of thrusting.
The First Commandment
For the first time top: Always start slowly and gradually build up speed. You rarely get on a Six Flags ride that starts off like a rocket and slows to a crawl. You rarely hear music that starts with a bang and ends with a whimper. There’s a reason for that. There’s no joy in it. There’s no voyage to it.
The Second Commandment
Use a wide variety of thrusting patterns. The law of diminishing returns says pleasure is inversely related to repetition. You know how the first few bites of steak always taste better than the last few? It’s because you didn’t pause, take a sip of wine or a bite of a side dish. Taste buds get sensitized easily. So, do manginas. So, mix up your thrusting patterns. For being a top in a gay relationship, this is a must.
The Third Commandment
Gyrate your hips. Pumping your penis into him like the head of an oil drill can feel impersonal and miss a lot of sexual nerve endings inside and outside the anus. The solution? Hit it like Elvis. Gyrate your hips during a thrust and you’ll take your partner to a new high.
How exactly can you do that? Imagine what your pelvis looks like when you swing a hula-hoop around you. That’s the motion you want to use while thrusting.
Using your hips rather than just the weight of your body changes the trajectory of your penis. With hip power, a single thrust of your penis can stimulate the anal walls from different angles, giving both of you an electrifying feeling.
Hitting it like Elvis takes a lot of muscles and is difficult to do with force for a long time. It’s best suited during the slow to medium-paced stages of thrusting.
WHAT NOT TO DO
Some mistakes are endearing in bed; others not so much. Here are a few you want to avoid if you want to be a top in gay relationship:
Pulling Out Completely Then Going Back In
It can pack air inside your partner’s bum which can lead to “fuck farts,” embarrassing all parties to no end.
Putting Your Weight On Your Partner
Gay top first time? Your partner will find nothing erotic about his inability to breathe. Yes, be on top of him, but use your knees, arms, and feet to make sure he’s not bearing the entirety of your weight.
Not Warning Your Partner Before You Climax
First, you’re missing a great opportunity to build up anticipation. Second, your partner might want to climax with you. Third, he might not want you to orgasm inside him. Remember I said sex is a dance. Always signal your next move so you don’t step on your partner’s feet.
Staying Quiet
Sex fires on all five cylinders when you verbalize your internal state through words, moans, and groans. Eliminating one of those cylinders is going to diminish the pleasure of your encounter.
Changing The Thrusting Pattern When He’s Close To Coming
Whatever you’re doing the instant you sense that he’s going to come is what you should be doing until he completely ejaculates. Now is not the time to try a different position or change the depth or speed of your thrusts. The reason is simple: Never interrupt momentum.
Ever notice that during masturbation you don’t change your stroking pattern as you near the point of no return? You might grip it with more pressure and increase the speed but you don’t fundamentally change the stroke, say from tight and fast to loose and slow. The same applies while you’re topping him. If he’s going to blow while you’re pumping him slow and deep, continue pumping him slow and deep. Do not fundamentally change your thrusting pattern unless he requests it.
Coming Before Your Partner Does
Generally speaking, nothing will be more disappointing to the bottom partner than a top who comes first. You’ll have to pull out and that means he has to ejaculate after you cut his pleasure in half.
It’s also bad for you as a top. You want your partner to ejaculate with your hardness inside him because once he attaches the pleasure of orgasm to bottoming he will want you again and again!
Stellar Tip!
Wring the last bit of semen out of your ejaculation with this nifty trick: Right after you ejaculate, press your fingers upward starting at the top edge of your sphincter and glide them firmly toward the scrotum, applying gentle pressure. You are basically squeezing the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
Keep squeezing until you reach the tip of your penis. You’ll see a surprising amount of extra semen come out. If you’re a “dripper” after you ejaculate (semen continues to drip out even after your penis goes soft) this will eliminate it.
THE SECRET TO BEING GOOD IN BED
Think back to the most memorable sex you’ve ever had. What do you remember most—that thing he did with his tongue or the feeling of getting sucked into a vortex of sexual energy that made you temporarily forget your name?
Technique isn’t unimportant; it’s just insufficient. As I said before, getting good at the mechanics makes you a skilled worker. Understanding how to shape passion into a give-and-receive union makes you a sublime lover.
Passion is a funny thing. You can’t teach it because it’s not a skill. You can’t acquire it because it’s not a possession. And you can’t learn it because there are no instructions. Like the wind, you can feel it but you can’t see it.
While I can’t “teach” passion, you can learn how to set the stage for you to express it in your own unique way. If passion has one defining characteristic, it’s energy. Movement. Action. Convergence.
By movement I don’t mean sexual calisthenics—setting up a trapeze, swinging from the chandeliers, and diving into pillowed mosh pits. There’s nothing wrong with that, but passion defines movement as something that builds and resolves anticipation. It creates the unexpected. It takes you from dissonance to harmony.
Passionate movement can be subtle, silent, or loud. It can make you shiver, sigh, or scream. It can pull you down like a whirlpool, suck you up like a tornado, or waft you aloft on a magic carpet. Consider the passionate kiss I referenced earlier:
He stops an inch before your lips. The space between crackles with anticipation. He doesn’t back up. He doesn’t move forward. You’re caught in his tease. Your heart climbs the stairs. He leans in. Your lips part and…
This is sexual energy in motion: It holds a chord and waits for the resolving note.
Up, Up and Away
It pushes you to the brink and pulls you back just in time to push you again. It has an upward trajectory, transferring from one partner to the other. Movement is passion’s starting point. It can be subtle (an unresolved kiss) or explicit (throwing each other around like rag dolls).
Let’s do an experiment. Think your worst thought—I don’t know, something like going home alone on a Saturday night. Got it? Okay, now really concentrate on that thought as you follow my directions: Rub your hands together as fast as you can for ten seconds. Notice the tingling sensation when you stop? That’s movement creating energy, which manifests as heat. Now, where did that awful thought of yours go? Poof! Movement creates energy that makes thoughts disappear.
This is what you want to do in bed–use movement and energy to make your partner’s thoughts disappear.
Being good in bed doesn’t mean knowing every position in the Kama Sutra. It’s combining sexual energy (movements characteristic of passion) with pleasure-giving skills. Your goal is to get so good at sex the laziest guy on earth would take one look at you and say, “You make me want to get a job.”