SEX AND ALCOHOL
How Does Alcohol Affect A Man Sexually?
Alcohol and drugs are the great thigh openers. I gleefully recommend mood enhancers as indispensable seduction techniques. Which of course, sends gay schoolmarms to the moon. It’s always the same guys complaining, too. The guys so frigid even Moses could part their thighs.
Let’s face it, sex is often better with a buzz. Critics can’t stand when I say that. Perhaps it is my favorite cheer that bothers them so much: “One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR!”
Or perhaps it’s the increased risk of unsafe sex (“I hate cheap wine – I always wake up with a sore asshole.”) Or perhaps because you can die from excessive drinking or drugging (“I’ll just do another ounce of GHB, that shouldn’t be harmful.”)
Whatever the case, my stand on alcohol and drugs has nearly got me kicked out of some newspapers who carry my column. But I remain steadfast. Drugs and alcohol, when used responsibly, can not only enhance the sexual experience, they can get you up the crack of his ass faster than a thong.
I first learned the magical properties of mood enhancers with a recalcitrant date, who later turned into a boyfriend. This guy was wound so tightly light couldn’t get through the spaces in his teeth. A little liquor and poof! out came his guilt and shame, along with his penis.
Another satisfied customer.
How Being Under The Influence Can Help
If it weren’t for alcohol I probably wouldn’t have slept with half the people that I wanted to sleep with. No, not because I got them so drunk that they didn’t realize whom they were going home with. Quite the opposite. Because I was too scared to approach them. A couple of drinks later, the fear diminished enough for me to take a risk. There’s a reason why the Irish say they drink beer for “the courage that might be in it.”
Of course, the decision to use drugs and alcohol is yours and yours alone. I do not “recommend” that you partake, as I am not your doctor and you are not my patient. There is much to be said for sober sex, and I’m often the one saying it.
Still, it’s undeniable what a little buzz management can do for you in bed. Of course, that is the trick – management. The truth is drugs and alcohol only enhances sex if you have the discipline to manage your intake. This is much harder than it seems because the more you are under the influence the more influence you want.
In a later post I will reveal the secret to buzz management. Some things you probably already know, like drinking a glass of water between drinking glasses of alcohol. But there are other things that you can do to self-discipline and we will tackle them soon.
How Alcohol Affects Your Erection
A Little Will Raise It. A Lot Will Ruin It.
“One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor!”
— George Carlin
Alcohol, if you drink too much of it, dulls sensations. It ups desire but lowers performance. It can give you “Beer Sex.” Meaning, the hardest thing you’ll have to offer your partner is the bottle you’re drinking out of.
But that’s if you drink too much of it. The effects of alcohol are too nuanced to issue a blanket stay away order. In limited amounts it has the power to melt away reservations, inhibitions and worries– the three pillars of awful sex.
Let’s tease out the full picture, starting with alcohol’s negatives. Psychologically, it’s a runway for risky sexual activities. When you’re drunk you think safe sex is a padded headboard.
Booze can also talk you into violating your own code of ethics and ease you into doing something you wouldn’t ordinarily do. It can also help you perpetrate or become a victim of nonconsensual sex.
Physiologically, booze messes with your boner by decreasing blood flow to the penis. It depresses your central nervous system while increasing angiotensin, a hormone linked to erectile dysfunction. In a drunken state, what you see is not what your dick gets. Your eyes see the prize and send out the message “Wake Up. He Wants You to Board Him” but your penis hears “Go To Sleep. This is Boring.
Alcohol can also delay or prevent ejaculation. If you think four blondes at a four-way stop sign is an eternity, wait till you try to orgasm when you’re drunk.
With all those negatives why in the world would you want to drink?
Beer goggles for one. Studies confirm what you already suspected– everyone looks hotter when you’re drunk. There is significant evidence that alcohol affects visual perception. It tends to make people appear more attractive, particularly those you didn’t perceive as attractive to begin with. Even male fruit flies seem to get less picky when they’re drunk. In studies, even the less appealing mates couldn’t kill the male’s buzz.
Studies also suggest that a little bit of alcohol may increase sexual desire and arousal in men. It’s also proven to lower inhibitions, increase friendliness and make you less tedious.
To Drink Or Not To Drink?
Taken in moderation alcohol can improve your sex life. But drinking too much can ruin it. The question we must ask about alcohol is similar to the question we must ask about men: At what point does volume get in the way?
Most experts believe there is a line of demarcation: One or two drinks for the average-sized man. After that, things go south in a hurry. Much more than about three and a half drinks the only thing that’ll be standing upright in your house is the vacuum cleaner.
Wait, just one or two drinks is all you can have before penetration starts feeling like shooting pool with a rope? That’s not a lot of alcohol. Hell, I belted a couple down just writing this chapter!
That brings up an important point, actually. Alcohol affects everyone differently. Half a drink makes some men completely impotent while half a liter doesn’t affect other men at all. Your mileage may vary. The important thing is to understand what your individual limits are and stay within them.
My personal rule is to treat alcoholic drinks like testicles: One’s not enough, two’s just right and three’s too much.
Now, are there any ways to drink more without affecting your boner? Yes.
Sip, Don’t Gulp
The liver processes about one ounce of liquor (or one standard drink) in one hour. If you drink more than this, your system becomes saturated, and the additional alcohol accumulates in the blood and body tissues until it can be metabolized. This is why pounding shots or playing drinking games are particularly harmful. The faster you drink the higher the blood alcohol concentration and the higher the chances your dick will get a flat tire.
Eat Before You Drink
Drinking on an empty stomach accelerates your blood alcohol level. Food can slow down the absorption rate by up to 50%.
Phase out the Fizz
Carbonated drinks speed up alcohol absorption so stay away from fizzy mixers.
Drink Lots of Water
Drink a glass of water for every alcoholic drink you take. Alcohol dehydrates, which helps desensitize nerve endings. Water replenishes and flushes the toxins out. More importantly, it dilutes the alcohol in your stomach and slows absorption.
Winston Churchill proudly said he’d taken more out of alcohol than it had taken out of him. He clearly wasn’t in the bedroom when he said it. The best approach to alcohol is to remember that what starts out as medicine can quickly turn to poison if you don’t get the dosage right.
Now, what about sex and pot?