How To Turn A Text Into A Date (or at least a call)
Texting may be fun but there’s a fake reality to it, much like talking to a guy on a dating site. Is that a gorgeous guy you’re talking to or a pimply 14-year-old boy who’s ridiculing you? You’d be surprised.
Whether you’re talking on a dating site with a guy you’ve never met or texting a guy you hardly know, your number one goal is to meet him. Quickly. Here’s why: It’s about confirming your attraction to him.
Start with a phone call (or a video call). Do you really want to spend weeks and weeks texting a guy that turns out to be a dud instead of a dude? Rip the Band-Aid off quickly. Find out whether you’re truly attracted to him before you sink into texting quicksand.
Another reason to get off text onto a call is that talking ramps up the sexual energy. Men love the sound of another man’s voice. It’s why we spend $3.99 a minute on phone sex lines! Seriously, talking on the phone is your chance to hook and reel him in.
It is especially important to get him on the phone if he’s ambivalent about you. It’s so easy to ignore somebody’s writing, but their voice? That’s a different story, especially if you’re lucky enough to have the kind of speaking voice that turns men on.
If you know him well enough, a “comfort call” isn’t necessary. This could be because you talked at length before he got your phone number, had an unusually strong connection, or because you’ve known each other in some capacity—as acquaintances, teammates, etc.
How Should You Answer If He Asks You Out Over A Text?
Be direct: “I’d love to but I don’t accept dates over text.” By doing it this way you’re setting firm boundaries about how you want to be treated. Differentiate yourself from other guys. Set your expectations higher and you will attract a higher class of guy.
If your guy doesn’t call immediately after your response you can be sure of one thing: He’s not that into you. That may hurt to hear but you know what’s even more hurtful to me? That you don’t think you’re worth a phone call. You are.
How To Get Him To Call You If He Doesn’t Do It On His Own.
It’s all fine and good to have a policy of not accepting first dates over text but what if he doesn’t turn his texts into a call? Does that mean he’s not interested? Possibly, but at this stage the most likely scenario is that he’s too scared to do it or doesn’t know how. If you want to know what advice I give to guys who want to work up the nerve to call, it’s this:
When should you make the call?
Right after a fun text thread. Never call him out of the blue. Always feel out his tone and vibe before dialing.
You, texting: Hey you, how was your weekend?
Him: (4 days later): Good.
If you think this is the perfect time to call him, please go back to my earlier posts and start this texting series again. Everyone else, read on. Don’t call if the vibe ain’t right. Make sure the text thread before the call makes him laugh or entertains him in some way. Another example:
You: “So anyway, that’s the sad, tragic story of how my grandmother’s open-casket funeral went.”
Him: “Oh…umm…”
You: [dialing her number]
No, no, no! If he sees you calling after a boring (or just plain depressing) text thread, he’ll let it roll to voicemail. You want that last text before calling to be a foreshadowing of the call—fun, safe and stress-free.
You can also try subtle lead-ins up to the ask-out call. A great one is the “new restaurant up the block” technique.
You: Hey, have you been to the new sushi place at 3rd and Piedmont? Heard it’s good.
Him: I’ve heard that too! No, haven’t been yet, unfortunately.
That kind of response equals prime ask-out time, so start dialing! Besides, he’s not stupid. He probably knows where that kind of question is leading, and his affirmative response means, “Ask me out now, jackass!”
However, say you get this response:
You: Hey, have you been to the new sushi place at 3rd and Piedmont? Heard it’s good.
Him: No. I heard it’s horrible. And my uncle was killed by sushi.
Safe to say you’re not going to be breaking bread just yet, my friend. Just remember to take charge without being overbearing. If something about the timing seems off, abort. If you see an opening though, be the decider and go for it.
So how does this advice apply to you?
Notice that my advice boils down to this: Look for an opening in the text thread that makes it easy to transition to a call. Your job is to provide him that opening so that he steps into it. The best way to do that is to drop hints (“Oh, I’ve always wanted to try that restaurant!”) and ask questions (“What’s your idea of the perfect date?”).
Asking a guy out for the first time will blow the coil right off a guy’s shy meter. Because they see it as a do-or-die, sink-or-swim proposition, guys can get so much performance anxiety they need to pop a Viagra to get the phone to rise to their ear. The possibility that you might say NO is so devastating that there’s a serious chance he might give in to his fear and not ask you out.
Guys are looking for an opening in the conversation and unless you give it to them you’re going to risk a flameout. And if you ask me, wood-burning spectacles belong in the bedroom, not the smartphone.