We aggregate reviews for sex toys the way Rotten Tomatoes aggregates them for movies–by assigning separate scores for critics and users.

The Moan-O-Meter Score For Critics

Represents the aggregated reviews of all professional sex toy critics/bloggers. We looked up and read every blogger who bought or was given a prostate massager and reviewed it on their blog.  We took notes on the common pros and cons and then evaluated each review along the following spectrum:

• Very Negative
• Negative
• Neutral
• Positive
• Very Positive

Then we assigned a value to each category and combined all the reviews into one Moan-O-Meter score. Click here to see our statistician’s explanation of how we did it to ensure a fair and statistically valid measurement.

The Moan-O-Meter Score For Users

Represents the aggregated reviews of everyone who bought the product (we only use reviews from verified purchases). We found every online store that carries the product, wrote down the number of reviews, the average rating and then read all the reviews to come up with a synthesis of everyone’s opinion.

From there, our statistician combined the total number of reviews (and their scores) and designed a statistically valid scoring system you can see here.

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Online shopping is time-consuming. You can spend days reading through contradictory product reviews and end up being more confused than when you started.

We solve this problem by doing all the research for you. We scour the web to find all the sex toys that are made with body-safe materials. We then analyze thousands of critic and customer reviews using a proprietary algorithm and evaluate all products in terms of popularity, quality, and value. This allows us to score every sex toy based on your personal needs and budgets.

Our editorial process is independent and unbiased. We don’t accept free products from retailers. We don’t accept money for advertising or product mentions. Our recommendations can’t be influenced by advertisers because we don’t actually review sex toys!

We aggregate all the reviews and produce Moan-O-Meter scores out of them. Since our product recommendations rely only on critics and real customer reviews, they are independent and objective.

Our goal is to be your most trusted resource for finding the best sex toys online.

Aneros Progasm

Best Non-Vibrating Prostate Massager For Advanced Players

About $60

The Aneros Progasm’s Most Outstanding Qualities

Unique “Triple-Action” Play

The Progasm stimulates the prostate with its curved, bulbous head, the perineum with a rounded, ball-shaped P-tab and an acupressure point below the tailbone with a “Kundalini-tab.”  Many users and critics hailed the “triple-action” stimulation as nothing less than sensational. Others decry a fairly steep learning curve –the toy is powered by your ability to clench your sphincter in pleasurable patterns–and the need for adapting to strange sensations around the perineum.

As one super reviewer says, “It can take a lot of sessions before you start to get real satisfaction from it. It’s like your anal muscles need to learn what to do and you have to learn where the pleasure is coming from and how to follow it.”

Compelling Design

Molded out of a single piece of body-safe ABS plastic, it has a solid and heavy feel to it. “Amazingly ergonomical,” said one reviewer. Another likened the feel to marble. Others seem to agree that it looks like “something you’d find in a Scandinavian furniture store.”  

Many people went out of their way to appreciate the results of designing the toy from one, “flawlessly moulded” piece of plastic–the lack of an undesirable seam that bedevils so many other sex toys.

Special mention must be made of the number of people who praised the elegant packaging.

Holds Lubrication Better

Smooth plastic makes lube last a whole lot longer than toys made out of other materials.  Many users noted this benefit (although the flip side is that the toy has a tendency to slip out precisely because it’s so good at retaining the lubrication).

Well-Presented Information

Aneros started out making prostate massagers for medical purposes back in the ‘90s to help treat erectile dysfunction, poor urine flow, prostatitis, and more. So it tends to impart more and better information on how to use its products than its competitors, a benefit noted by many users.

About $60

Flaws That May Or May Not Be Deal Breakers

The “Triple-Action” Play

Rarely have we seen a prostate massager garner so many contradictory reviews.  Every strength is accompanied by a related weakness. Yes, the triple-action play is sensational, but only if you’re willing to spend hours on a learning curve.  Yes, the tab massaging the perineum feels great, unless you don’t like having your perineum massaged–then it’s annoying. Same for the acupressure point.

Overall, the toy has high ratings but we would be remiss in not communicating a clear streak of dissenting opinions.  The consensus seems to be that your enjoyment of the product completely depends on personal preference and a commitment of time to reach the promised land.

The “Bump” On The Base 

Users fond of extended wear (leaving the toy inside your rectum as you go about your business) complain that the bump on the base makes it difficult to wear around the house. 

The Tabs Around The Base

Some consider the perineum tab comfortable due to its ball shape but others complain that during long use, as the Progasm gets drawn further and further up the anal canal, the ball/tab tends to dig in to the perineum. Top tip: Cushion the ball with a few layers of tissue.

Others complain that the ball/tab slides to one side.  A top tip to avoid this: Make sure you don’t put any lubrication on the ball/tab or your perineum–it’ll keep it from sliding.

The tabs can also feel uncomfortable when sitting.  As one reviewer eloquently put it, “If I can’t sit without feeling like I’m being cudgeled around my butthole by lilliputian warriors hell bent on ruining my day, then we have a problem.”

Care And Maintenance

We love the way expert critic Mr. Wills House Of Thrills describes how easy it is to clean the Progasm:  “You can use hot water and soap, a 10% bleach solution, toy cleaner, a UV chamber and a cold water rinse, leave it laying in the sun for a few months, lasers, the dishwasher, or just shoot it into space where gamma rays will annihilate the bacteria.

In other words, almost anything you do will clean the toy.  

Lubricants Safe To Use With This Toy

Safe with all lubricants.

Dimensions

Circumference: 3.75 inches

Insertable Length: 4.5 inches

Length: 5.5 inches

Weight:  0.67 lbs

Height: 8.75

LINKS

Mrracy.com

The Intellectual Homosexual

Lovedreamer

Lovedreamer

Letstalksex.net

Gläs Pure Indulgence Anal Slider

Budget Pick: Best Non-Vibrating Prostate Massager For Advanced Players

About $22

Why did the Pure Indulgence do so well in the Moan-O-Meter charts?  Let’s take a look:

Squirts For Everyone.

The Gläs Pure Indulgence Anal Slider offers versatility for couples, with many reviewers praising it’s vaginal use as highly as its anal play. Indeed, many reviewers identified themselves as women who purchased the Gläs Pure Indulgence Anal Slider for the sole purpose of vaginal play and g-spot stimulation. One reviewer recommends “A few thrusts and you’ll be squirting like you never knew you could.”

Curved  For Your Pleasure. 

Nearly all reviewers commented on the perfect curvature of the Gläs Pure Indulgence Anal Slider (“curved to deliciously hit all your special places”). Not only does the curved design allow this anal slider to easily reach the p-spot or g-spot, but it allows for good control of angle and depth for solo play. One reviewer appreciated the curved design for comfort’s sake: “You don’t have to twist and reach, as you do with a straight toy. 

Heat It Up Or Cool It Down

Into temperature play?  Then this glass anal slider is just what you need for your toy collection.  Petra Pan, a professional sex toy critic, was pleasantly surprised by the range in sensations: “When I slowly pull the entire Gläs Pure Indulgence Glass Anal Dildo out of my bum, it feels warm on the way out. Then pushing it back inside my bum again, the cold glass makes me catch my breath – wow! The alternation of temperature is an immensely arousing feeling!” Other reviewers noted their partners preffered this anal slider “straight from the freezer” or recommended heating it up in a glass of  warm water prior to play.  

It’s BIG

Professional sex toy reviewers were impressed with the Gläs Pure Indulgence Anal Slider’s gargantuan size, noting that this is definitely not an anal toy for beginners.  However, with some patience and a lot of lube, those who want to work towards anal play with this glass toy will find it is well worth the effort.

Mousey’s Toy Lab declared the Gläs Pure Indulgence Anal Slider her new favorite, appreciating the smooth design:

“After having some bad experiences with glass toys in the past that were textured with large bumps or spirals or such, this was such a refreshing experience. The shape opens up unique play opportunities that other toys might not be so great at.”

The mid-sized sphere on the other end allows for anal play for those not yet ready for the larger end, and many reviewers loved the “full feeling” when using the large head vaginally.  

Cheap!

For less than $30, this anal slider can’t be beat.  One reviewer recommends buying at least two at this low price–”one for some serious usage, the other to tuck away in case of emergency.”  Other similar products sell for nearly twice the cost of the Gläs Pure Indulgence Anal Slider, but nothing else can compare to the simplicity and hygienic design of this perfectly curved glass anal slider.

Flaws That May Or May Not Be Dealbreakers

The Size Can Be Intimidating.

Nearly all reviewers and critics commented on the size and girth of the Gläs Pure Indulgence Anal Slider. For example:

“The first time I used it, I couldn’t get all of the large end inside me despite warming up.”

“When I opened it and held it in my hand I realized the true girth of it and instantly thought, no way is that fitting in my ass!”

“This monster ain’t giving my poor ole bum a bit of mercy.” 

In addition to the sheer size of this anal slider, the glass is hard and unyielding, which can add to the intimidation factor.  

However, while many were initially shocked at the size, most found the smaller end to be just what they were looking for or that they were able to workup to enjoying the full potential of the larger end after sometime and gradual stretching. 

Slippery When Wet. 

Critics and reviewers noted that while the curved handle and weighty head of this anal slider had numerous advantages, one disadvantage is how slippery it becomes either from lube use or once the juices are flowing causing it to shift at an inconvenient time. While delayed gratification can be pleasurable, it’s generally more fun when it’s on your terms.

Said one reviewer: “Orgasm denial can be fun, sure, but not when it’s the toy doing it to you.” Thankfully, this obstacle also has a simple solution. Critic Mousey’s Toy Lab noted that the addition of a squishy-jelly cock ring provided just enough grip to prevent unwanted shifting of the anal slider when things get wet-and-wild.  

About $22

Care And Maintenance

The Gläs Pure Indulgence Anal Slider’s glass construction makes it extremely easy to care for and clean. Boil or bleach for total sterilization, or wash with warm soapy water or your favorite toy cleaner. It should be stored carefully, and avoid exposure to abrasive surfaces that could scratch or chip the surface, making it unsafe for continued use.  Because this toy does not come with a storage pouch, purchasing one is recommended.  

Lubricants Safe To Use With This Toy

Any and all lubricants are safe to use with the Gläs Pure Indulgence Anal Slider.  

Dimensions

Length: 7″

Insertable Length: 5.5″

Girth: 6.4″ at largest point

Width: 1.9″ at largest point

Njoy Pfun Plug

Upgrade Pick: Best Non-Vibrating Prostate Massager For Advanced Players

About $95

Njoy Pfun Plug’s Most Outstanding Qualities

Heat It Up Or Cool It Down.

Into temperature play?  Then this stainless steel plug is just what you need for your toy collection.  One reviewer recommends it either heated or chilled to enhance your experience “creating yet another avenue of pleasure from the toy” and another mentioned you may “never leave home” after playing with the temperature of the Njoy Pfun Plug. 

 It Knows How To Throw Its Weight Around. 

The first thing you will notice when you pick up the Pfun Plug for the first time is the hefty weight.  One reviewer said, “The weight REALLY pushes upon the prostate. The shape allows for extended wear while that becomes increasingly interesting as the arousal cycle chugs on.” 

An expert at The Toyful Review said the weight of the plug is one of its best qualities: “One of the most fascinating things about Njoy toys is the weight, weighing in just over 300 grams (11 ounces) and is quite dense for its size. Once inserted, the first thing you will notice is how heavy it really is.”  Beware of using too much lube though – users and critics both reported a heavy hand with the lube can cause the plug to slip right out. 

Thoughtfully Designed.

The Njoy Pfun Plug has a slim 3.5” insertable length stem with a tapered bulbous head on the end and a multifunctional loop at the bottom.  The tapered end is just the right shape to hits the p-spot, and the looped handle allows for users to manually manipulate the massager to provide new sensations.

The loop also allowed other reviewers to get creative and have even more fun: ”Bonus: All of the Njoy plugs have an opening in their base that allows one to attach more weights, faux animal tails or rope. This can allow for some creative sex stuff.”

Hits the G-Spot As Well As The P-Spot.

The Njoy Pfun Plug offers versatility for couples, with many reviewers praising it’s vaginal use as highly as its anal play. In fact, many reviewers identified themselves as women who purchased this plug for the sole purpose of vaginal play and g-spot stimulation. One reviewer said “I’ve also found this toy awesome on my g-spot.

The curved head and heaviness allows for great stimulation of your PC muscles and can be great for both pleasure and crunching kegels!”

About $95

Flaws That May Or May Not Be Deal Breakers

It’s An Investment.

With a price tag ranging from $110-$130, the Njoy Pfun Plug is an investment for those seeking a stainless steel prostate massager.  The medical-grade stainless steel construction of this Pfun Plug makes it hypoallergenic, non-porous, non-toxic and well, expensive.

Professional critic Toy Meets Girl explains that quality comes at a price: “The price tag at first seems like a lot but this is quality. You get what you pay for! They say that there are only two things that will survive a nuclear war, Keith Richards and cockroaches. The Njoy Pfun makes three.”  

Strong Muscles Needed To Keep It In.

One of it’s outstanding qualities can also be a flaw.  At a weighty 11 ounces, the stainless steel Pfun Plug requires some strong clenching to keep it in place.  Using just enough lube, neither too much nor too little, will help keep it from popping out at an inopportune time. “The slippery shape along with the substantial weight (which feels lovely) makes it tricky to keep in without some powerful clenching which leaves you mincing like Louis Spence!” said one reviewer. 

Not A Great Fit For Every Body. 

Not all reviewers experienced p-spot nirvana when using the Pfun Plug.  Some found that it missed the mark completely: “For me it just doesn’t apply enough pressure to my prostate to really get me off. I think if the top bulb was slightly larger and possibly more angled it would be amazing!”  Professional critic Liam at The Toyful Review wished for more size options in this style plug: “At 1.25 inches in diameter I was left wanting more. The Njoy Pfun lacked a challenge for me in the size department.”

Care And Maintenance

The 316 Stainless steel used by Njoy is nearly indestructible. It can be boiled, bleached, cleaned with soap or any other method of sterilization you prefer, though cleaning with anything abrasive is not recommended.  

Lubricants Safe To Use With This Toy

Any lube is suitable to use with this stainless steel toy.

Dimensions

Length: 4 1/2″ (total) 3 1/2″ (insertable)

Width: 1 1/4″

Girth: 3 1/4″

Weight: 11 oz