A Platter of Gay Dating Nuggets
GrindR, The Lying App
Grindr is to lying what the golf range is to larceny–a place where you assume people go to tell whoppers. How does this classify as news?
There is something about being online that just begs you to lie. It isn’t just Grindr–it’s ALL social media. Have you ever noticed how compelled you are to making yourself look good, funny, interesting or insightful when you make a Facebook post? The truth is social media compels us to create a false narrative about ourselves. Who puts up ugly pictures of themselves? Who admits to being aggravating and annoying? Who pleads guilty to cruelty and insensitivity? Nobody because that would make you look bad and social media is about making yourself look good.
Lying about your HIV status on GrindR? That’s like being shocked that golfers cook their scores.
Saying Hello With Your Arse
Nothing shows a gay man’s ego split than being on an gay dating app. I don’t know how many times I’ve received a message from somebody that says, “Hi, how are you?” But the main pic on their profile is a dick shot. So, kudos for the warm, friendly salutation, but really? Who knew big dicks had good manners?
What’s really annoying is that my profile says, “Only on here to date.” But what’s beyond annoying and into farce, is when Big Dick’s profile says, “Only here to date.” Because really, nothing says you’re dating material more than a couple of good dic and ass shots. And this is where the split comes in: You want to date. But you’re a manwhore. So you try to do both. You use manwhore pics with dating language.
If you want to know how to meet gay men online (for more than a quickie) you need to know that consistency is a big deal. You can’t put up dic pics inspired by Anthony Weiner and think you’re going to attract marriage material. I mean, they’re fine to put up if sex is what you want but it’s RIDICULOUS to put them up if you’re trying to attract guys who want to date or get in a relationship. Like attracts like. If you put up dick shots you’re going to attract the gay Anthony Weiners.
“Have you had your first fight yet?”
A friend was telling me how well his relationship was going because it had been bliss for the last two months. I looked up and I said, “Have you had your first fight yet?”
“No,” he said. “Isn’t that great? Actually, no. Fighting reveals everything, especially between two men. Hell, look at government shutdowns if you want to know what an unhealthy relationship fight looks like. For gay men, the subject of the fight is not as revealing as the style of fighting. Reasonable men can disagree agreeably; unreasonable men can’t.
A fight, or a disagreement, is the first real opportunity to see whether you have a relationship that’s going to last. The ability to resolve a disagreement is far more important than what you’re disagreeing about. In a sense, your relationship doesn’t really start until you have the opportunity to exercise that “fight” muscle.
For example, is he making a mountain out of a molehill? Do you look at it as a “you’ve got to win or he’s got to lose” proposition? Are you respectful? Is he?
When you find yourself in your first fight try to remember this tip and it will serve you well: if things are not going in a helpful direction hold his hand or put your hand on his thigh. It is extremely difficult to be unreasonable when you’re being touched.