How Do You Come Out To A Closeted Guy You’re Interested In?
For most of us coming out is a defining issue in our lives. But it’s usually about coming out to a friend or a family member. What about coming out to a severely closeted guy who doesn’t know that a) you’re gay and b) that you know he’s gay too?
Help me out here–I need some gay dating advice. I’m a 22-year-old student in Pasadena doing a college course before I go to USC next year. In this course I met a guy. Initially I found him to be handsome, detached, arrogant and heterosexual.
We are both extremely straight acting. I am always with the other guys, messing around, making joke and flirting with the girls. So to me, what was the point in even flirting with him? I did find it odd that he spends his time with the female members of the class but after talking to other guys, we thought he was just attracted to a particular girl.
As it turned out, weeks into the course this girl later told us he was gay. He doesn’t know that we and I know this. Neither does he know that I am too. Ultimately I want him to know my sexuality, but I don’t want him to think we are obliged to be friends or lovers because we are the only ‘gay in the village’.
I don’t want my sexuality to be some big secret he feels I could have mentioned earlier (though he too is quiet about his sexuality). But how do I say it? Essentially it’s kinda like coming out, but I’ve never done that – I’ve just been open to whoever asks. They all happen to assume I’m straight.
I’ve managed to sit next to him in class and try to get to know him without him knowing what I’m up to. I’ve managed to get his MSN & Facebook and we talk often online. I’ve tried to probe the subject but the last thing I’m gonna do is spill the beans on MSN, I prefer to just do it to his face.
In whatever manner he finds out that I know he is, and the I am gay, it will seem bigger than necessary. I just feel so tired by this. I’d rather just go up to him and say it all and honestly would have done sooner, but I might just scare him away. Too much information at once.
I would like us to remain friends. Many thanks.
What do you think? How would you advise him? Take a crack at writing down some gay dating advice. Just type it into the comments section and I may include your suggestion when I write the answer to this post!