How To Get Harder Than A Roll Of Quarters
Unfortunately, taking the active role in penetration can turn Willie into Will Not. The quality of your erection can suffer from insecurities, performance anxiety, a dislike of condoms, and even simple fatigue (topping is a lot of work!).
Unhelpful thoughts may derail you. Maybe you’re worried about hygiene (what’s that smell!), or where you put the lube, or whether you should use a condom. Or whether or not you can stay hard with a condom, given that maybe last week you didn’t.
You can also be distracted by your insecurities. Is your penis big enough? Can he see your growing belly from this angle? Is he going to judge you if you’re not Mister Man in bed?
There are lots of thoughts they can soften the hardest intentions but there’s a secret to heading them off: Concentrate on the things that turn you on and elevate their prominence in your lovemaking.
If vanilla sex gives you a ho-hum hardon but wearing leather sets off five-alarm fires then guess what? WEAR LEATHER.
If eye contact turns your flaccid dick into a raging howler monkey don’t screw him from behind. Switch positions and look him in the eyes.
If having your nipples played turns your floppy disk into stainless steel hard drive, ask your partner to stimulate your nipples.
Are you seeing a pattern here? Identify your turn-on; move toward it in bed.
Of course, you can’t move towards your turn-ons unless you know what they are. Most guys are surprisingly untutored in their own desires. Many don’t know what they want. Others do but are too afraid to express them.
Some are so fearful of expressing their sexual desires their subconscious blocks them from conscious awareness. Yet others haven’t given much thought to them.
What Do You Like In Bed?
Your dick is probably making most of the decisions in your life anyway–why not sit him down for a chat ask him what makes him stand at attention? Here are just a few questions to prompt some answers:
- Name and rank your favorite body parts.
- Do you like silence or partners that moan and groan?
- What do you like to see your partners wearing in bed (if anything)?
- What positions do you like to see men in?
- What do you want to hear them say?
- What do you secretly like but don’t dare tell your partners?
- How do you like to be touched?
- What kind of kissing turns you on?
Answering these questions is critical to the quality of your erections. If you want to get harder than a fence post you’ve got to know what makes your Man-O-Meter spring a coil.
Communicate What You Want
Being aware of what you like is the first step. Communicating it is the second. If you’re too shy to specifically request an act, a position or a technique that turns you on, your erections will never reach their full potential.
There are two levels of communication you should be engaged in: Telling your partner what you want and telling him how you want it. Let’s say nipple play during intercourse is a turn-on for you. It’s not enough to ask him to play with your nipples as you’re thrusting into him. If you don’t tell him how, an expectation of a soft brush against the tip of your nipple might be met with a twisting force that could uproot a tree.
Show Is Better Than Tell
If you’re shyer than a day-old kitten, you don’t have to work up the nerve to ask. Just show him. Bring his hand up and caress them against your nipples in the way you like. He’ll get the message.