How To Give The Best Blowjobs Part 9
Your mouth has one distinct advantage over your ass when it comes to delivering pleasure: The tongue. It is truly a marvel of the human body and rarely do we appreciate its power to pleasure. In fact, the only people who seem to celebrate the tongue the way it deserves are taste testers, professional wrestlers, and the odd circus act.
The tongue has over 10,000 taste buds allowing us to discern the marginal difference in flavor between a guy’s jizz and Talenti’s Sicilian Pistachio Gelato—while strangely enjoying (and sometimes craving) both! The brain is often touted as the most powerful sex organ in humans, but the tongue is a key that can unlock places the brain can’t go.
One of the most remarkable aspects of the tongue as a sex organ is its versatility. It pulls off more tricks than a magician and can be just as jaw-dropping as watching your beloved being sawed in half. The tongue can offer a soft caress or a firm massage; it can poke or tickle; it can take longer, sloppy licks, or zero in on an area with devoted attention. The tongue contains eight different muscles, but, when relaxed, becomes one of the plushiest surfaces in the body. Appreciate the tongue’s full potential in order to employ it most effectively, and make sure you let all of its talents shine during a make-out session or oral sex.
Kiss Me You Fool!
Aside from eating and speaking, kissing is the tongue’s most important role in bed. As Confucius once said, “A passionate kiss is like a spider’s web. Soon leads to undoing of fly.” Wait, I don’t think that’s who said it. At any rate, the lips may get all the headlines in smooching but it’s the tongue that transforms an innocent peck on the cheek to an intimate moment between the sheets. You can kiss your dog or your aunt with your lips, but the tongue is reserved for your Romeo. Remember the old adage: A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum, but a kiss isn’t a kiss without some tongue.
Pucker up, baby!
It’s difficult to have a great sex life without being a good kisser. It’s kind of like trying to be a Hollywood socialite without releasing a sex tape. And you can’t be a dynamite kisser if you don’t have a tongue that is active, sensuous, and adventurous. From soft butterfly kisses to junkyard dog lashes, it can penetrate your partner’s lips, wrestle his tongue and explore every part of his mouth.
Here’s a fascinating fact: Some researchers believe that saliva, which is produced in glands under and near the tongue, provides a primal “taste test” for couples, as it contains the DNA of every organ and gland in a person’s body. There’s evidence to believe that the flavor of your kiss can be affected by your genetic compatibility with a potential partner. Due to this, saliva operates as an individual’s “signature flavor,” according to Dr. Louann Brizendine, author of The Male Brain.
When A Kiss Is Not A Kiss
A man escapes from a prison where he has been kept for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife: “Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction, no matter how much he ravages you. This guy is probably dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”
To which his wife responds, “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. I told him where to find it. Be strong, honey. I love you too!”
How Do You Tell A Guy He Kisses Like A Pack Mule?
Does Mr. Right turn into Mr. Fright when he kisses? Some guys kiss like they’re sweeping for land mines. You end up using your tongue as a flanking maneuver to stop the onslaught. How can you call a truce to your tongue wars and teach him how to kiss better without hurting his feelings?
Most guys are receptive to changing their techniques as long as you frame it as a request, not an insult. I would urge you not to say something like, “Look, you moron, you kiss like a pack mule and I’m choking on all the spit you’re hosing down my throat.” I mean, it worked on my boyfriend, but you need a certain finesse to get away with it.
Now, where was I?
Oh, yeah. Try this approach instead: “You know what really turns me on? When you do this. Then show him how you want to be kissed and say, “Now you try it.”
Here are a few other tips:
Be rhythmical. Move smoothly from passive to active, from slow to fast to back and forth, from dry to wet, to gentle and wild.
Breathe through your nose. It prolongs the kiss.
Close your eyes. They’ll look like two giant beach balls to the guy you’re kissing if you don’t. And who wants to kiss big balls? Wait. Bad example. Just keep your eyes closed and quit confusing me, dammit.
Make sounds. Small, almost imperceptible sounds. A tiny rumble here, a soft moan there. Communicate what you like and what you’re feeling through noises, not words.
Kiss your partner’s eyes. The heat of your lips on his eyelids will drive him crazy. Just make sure his eyes are closed. There’s nothing worse than getting your corneas licked.
Let your desire show. Look at your partner with a deep, rapacious, insatiable hunger. The way oil executives do when they see the Alaska wilderness.