How To Sexualize Your Texts Without Using Porn Dialogue
Anybody can send a pic of their hole and say, “You want some of this?” But if the guy on the other end of your texts is somebody you want to date, heating up your typing requires more subtlety.
Your texts should hint at sex without being overtly sexual. Your job is to make him feel hotter than lava without exploding like a volcano. The best way to do that is to find an excuse to send him pictures. Start off with a picture of you and your friends out on the town (“This is us at the concert!”). And then to pictures of just you, preferably shirtless with a pet (“Me and my kitty!”). This is actually a test you’re administering. His reaction will tell you who you’re dealing with and what he wants from you.
Good:
“Wow. Amazing.”
Bad:
“Nice tits!”
The first response is classy. The second is classy spelled with a K. I leave it up to you if you want to continue with a guy who can’t tell the difference between flirting and leering.
Sex Up The Comfort
Sexing up the comfort is more than staying out of the friend zone. It’s a deliberate attempt to let him know you’re romantically interested. Be clever. This text usually works wonders because it’s romantic and sexual all at the same time:
Oh, nothing. I just wanted you to feel my vibration.
You can also steer the conversation into a romantic context by being bold without crossing the line:
My friend wants to know if you think I’m hot.
Try to work in a romantic angle into a text thread if it’s appropriate. One particularly effective approach is to pretend he can’t control himself around you. Let’s say you bring up shopping in a text thread.
You: I would go shopping with you, but I don’t want you to be tempted to make out with me in the dressing room.
Here’s a particularly effective text that will make him laugh and keep the thread on the right romantic track:
You: (send a blank text)
Likely Reply: Why did you send me a blank text?
You: Babe, you don’t have to come up with excuses to talk to me.
You can also pick up the pace by cleverly complimenting him:
You: I think I should tell you what people are saying behind your back.
Likely reply: ???
You: “Nice butt!”
If you get positive responses, then you know you’re headed for a hang out. One note of caution, though…
Men Often Go Over The Line When They Tease.
Men may speak English but Teasing is our mother tongue. It’s what makes us funny and fun to be around but it also gets us in a lot of trouble, especially with sensitive guys. And therein lies the challenge. Men love men who can make them laugh but not the ones who make them feel bad. And our sense of humor is designed to make someone feel bad.
So if you get a couple of text teases that seem out of line, call him out. He may not actually understand that he crossed a line. If he’s a decent guy he’ll apologize and move on. If he continues with inappropriate teasing you need to bag him like unwanted groceries. If he does it in texts he’ll do it in person.
When I say tease, I don’t just mean what he might say in initiating a conversation but in his response to a perfectly innocent remark. Here’s a great example:
You: “I’m surprised you walked up to me at the bar, I was feeling so fat in those jeans! LOL”
Him: “That’s okay, I like big-boned guys ;)”
Really?! Why doesn’t he just say you make the earth wobble on its axis? The proper response to a text like that is to make it clear you’re not happy with it. Don’t respond for hours, or even a day. If he’s a thinking man he’ll look at the relationship between his last text and your silence and apologize. If he doesn’t, then text him a curt version of this: “Actually, that hurt my feelings.”
If you don’t call him out you’re basically saying that it’s okay to insult you. I want to tell you something. As the author of Not Tonight Dear, I Feel Fat How To Stop Worrying About Your Body & Have Great Sex, I know that appearance anxiety is a painful, ubiquitous experience and you don’t need guys you hardly know contributing to it.
Still, some comments from guys aren’t necessarily insults and you may be interpreting them in ways that weren’t intended. Here’s an excerpt from Not Tonight Dear that may help clarify how to separate insult from innocence in a questionable comment:
You Are Constantly Being Put Down By Everything Around You.
From the moment you get up to the minute you lay down, subtle put-downs slap you. Oh, look, there’s an ad that says you’re too fat. Oh, there’s a commercial that says you’re out of shape. And there’s one that says you’re looking a little old. Everywhere you go, everywhere you look, everything you read, everything you see on TV is a subtle put-down.
If you only had this product or used that service you’d be good enough, hot enough, worthwhile enough. And because you don’t, you’re not. Your self-esteem is constantly under attack. Your physical appearance is constantly being questioned. Your self-worth is always being pegged to your attractiveness. Once you realize just how many subtle slights and chronic cheap shots you endure during the course of the day, it’s easy to see why a careless comment, let alone an abusive insult, from someone you like can feel so devastating.
It’s precisely because you’re in such an emotionally vulnerable place about your looks that you have to consider the first rule of handling an off-putting remark. And that’s to ask yourself…
Is it really an insult?
When you are unusually self-conscious, every comment about your appearance can feel like a personal attack. Even when somebody pays you a sincere compliment, you’re likely to seize on some aspect of it and make it fit whatever you already feel about yourself. If somebody says, “You look good today,” you will seize on the word today. Because today clearly that means you looked like the hindquarters of bad luck yesterday.
When you have a story running through your head you tend to make everything fit the story. This is especially true for comments that are open to interpretation. There is often a great expanse of territory between what was said and what you heard. Faced with a questionable comment, you should always pause and ask yourself, “Given, that I’m sensitive about my appearance, is this comment something that a body confident woman would consider an insult?” Because if the answer is no then you should let it roll off you like water-repellent fabric.