What Kind Of Top Do You Want To Be? Part 2
Last week we talked about two common archetypal penetrators: The Dom Top and the Romanticized Version of a Dom Top. This week we explore…
The Tender Top
If the dom top is about fucking, then the tender top is about making love. Unlike the porn stereotype, this is the guy who really does care about his partner and treats him with respect and kindness. Here’s a sampling from various forums extolling the virtues of this archetype:
“I want a top to dominate me but also one who doesn’t treat me like a bitch. While yes, I prefer the passive role as I like a dominant guy who DOES take control, I’m not a bitch.”
. . .
“I hate a guy who just pounds. Look if I wanted to fuck a jackhammer or a hamster on crack, I would. But that’s just me. Everyone likes it differently. What one person says is a great top is another guy’s nightmare of a top. When I am topping I like to get a clue what my bottom likes based on the sounds he’s making during foreplay and sex. For me it’s a full body experience.”
. . .
“As a top, I’ve been told (more often than not), that someone had the hottest sex of their lives with me. Not bragging here (well maybe a bit). It’s really simple, I think…you give the bottom exactly what they need, want and crave. You fulfill the fantasy…you find out and pay attention to what turns them on and then you deliver– whether it’s a hard, pounding, sweaty fucking or a slow and passionate lovemaking; whether it’s dominant and aggressive or sensuous and mutual).”
. . .
“I try and make the bottom enjoy it more than I do, and I enjoy fucking A LOT, so my job is to make the bottom have a better time than I am. Sure, I love fucking and trust me, I will do ANYTHING to get my dick up your ass, but I also treat my bottoms with respect and care.”
. . .
“I would have to say that my success at being a good top is figuring out what my partner likes and then incorporating that into what comes naturally for me to make us both happy. To me it’s definitely a team effort.”
. . .
“My ideal top isn’t just physical. It’s about emotional, and passionate love making. Give and take, making love furiously, intensely. No matter how you cut it, a man opening himself up for another man to enter him is the ultimate in submission.
. . .
I want my man to dominate me, but I am not a passive bottom. When I have a man inside me, I feel that I have the essence of that man inside me. And even though he is the aggressor, he also needs my body to achieve the ultimate release.
. . .
It has to be making love, not just mindless fucking, or rape…at least for me. You have to care for your partner, even if he is a total stranger. You are sharing that moment in your life with that man in the most intimate way physically. You may say lighten up but for me to allow another man to enter me, I do not take it so lightly. I want to enjoy myself to the fullest (and be completely full with him).”
In our next installment of How To Top, we’ll investigate how slip into and try on the different kinds of roles men use when they penetrate. Check out the book this series is based on.