How To Get Better At Meeting Gay Guys

 

 Not everybody gay is a raging extrovert. What if you’re an introvert who freezes every time he meets or wants to meet the guy he likes? 

 There’s only one way to improve your social skills with guys you’re attracted to–practice the art of starting a conversation. 

First thing you have to do is memorize what are known as “openers.” these are questions or statements that intrigue the listener enough to engage you in a conversation. 

I say memorize because it’s almost impossible to wing it and the first 30 seconds of meeting somebody are the most awkward so you’re liable to stutter, get it wrong or generally screw up.

Let’s take a close look at the difference between a good opener and a bad one.  Which would make Shagability want to talk to you? 

Opener A:   “Hi, how are you?  What’s your name?”

Opener B:  “Hey, let me get your take on something.  My friend wants to name his new puppies after an 80’s pop duo.  What do you think of “Milli Vanilli”?

The first opener asks, “How about some dick?”  

The second one asks, “How about some fun?”  

So think about some fun openers, commit them to memory and then practice them in the following way.

Open Your Friends

Memorize three or four openers and try them on your friends.  Anywhere, anytime.  In bars, parties, and coffee shops.  In book stores, grocery stores, elevators.  On the phone or in person.  This is a no-bomb exercise because you’re not picking them up; you’re picking up a skill. 

Do it with men or women.  Young or old, black or white, gay or straight.  Doesn’t matter.  Keep talking, keep opening.  See where you get stuck.  Try it again.  Approach it like porn:  Play, pause, rewind, play.  

Goal #1:  Find your personal rhythm.  Work out the kinks.

Goal #2:  Become a fun delivery boy.  Eat in or take out, you deliver.

Goal #3:  Become accustomed to opening people who don’t push your emotional buttons so it’ll be easier to do it with people who do.  

Reminder!

 These exercises are cumulative.  Add, don’t subtract.  The only way to get to “Unconscious Competence” is PRACTICE.

Next: Open Strangers You’re Not Attracted To.

Use the same three to four openers you memorized in Day 6 and use them on strangers (and acquaintances) that you’re not interested in romantically.  Men or women, it doesn’t matter.  We’re building a skill, not a dance card.

Goal #1:   Raise the stakes a bit.  

Goal #2:  Hone your skill, notice what works and what doesn’t.  Review, refine, repeat.  

Goal #3:  Become accustomed to opening people in situations that elicit manageable levels of apprehension.  

Next: Open Friends & Strangers with Newly Memorized Openers.  

Memorize a handful of new openers (either the ones I’ve listed above or ones you’ve developed yourself).  Open friends, acquaintances and strangers you’re not attracted to–in that order.  

Goal #1:   Build a stack of memorized openers that you can use at will.  

Goal #2:  Keep sharpening your skills.  Course correct.  Are you taking too much time to deliver the opening?  Are you smiling?  Engaged?  

So far, you should be doing the following EVERY DAY:

• Saying hello to strangers.
• Physically going out of your way to say hello to friends.
• Striking up small conversations with acquaintances you normally just say hello to.
• Paying strangers a compliment
• Memorizing 3 or 4 openers
• Using these openers on strangers–male or female.
• Using these openers on guys you’re not attracted to.
• Memorizing another 3 or 4 openers–then use them on strangers, friends and guys you’re not interested in.

If you’ve skipped any of these steps, GO BACK.  

In the next post I’m going to introduce you to some people who can make or break your chances when you go out.