How To Give The Best Blowjobs Part 8
Last week we talked about manscaping. This week it’s about setting objectives for your buzz cut.
A Trim Or Completely Hairless? It’s totally up to you. You might want a full “Brazilian” but there might be some splainin’ to do in the locker room. Or you could do a combo platter—trim the pubes and shave the balls.
Tools
Buy A Dedicated Pair Of Scissors. Bacteria and yeast live in the groin—you don’t want to spread these to other parts of your body. So don’t use the scissors you use to cut nose hair. You might end up with a boogers-to-balls yeastiness. Also, wipe down the scissors with rubbing alcohol, wash your hands, and soap up your manhood. That will help create a sterile environment less likely to develop an infection.
Buy Specialized Manscaping Tools. Try products like the Philips Norelco Bodygroom—a razor specifically designed to shave awkward places. Mangroomer also has some interesting products like a shaver with an “Extreme Reach” extension for those awkward, hard to reach places.
PUBIC HAIR
Cut It To The Same Length As The Hair On Your “Love Trail.” It starts at your chest and goes down the tummy all the way south to that Access of Evil between your legs. Be consistent or you’ll look like you lost a game of chicken with the lawnmower. If you want to go Brazilian and shave it all off, don’t start with a razor blade. Start with a pair of scissors. Shaving long pubic hair can cause razor burn, itching, or stubble. The hair can snag on the razor blade and cause a lot of pain. Also, pubic hairs are coarser and have more curl to them so it’s easy for the hair to curl back into the skin and cause ingrown hair.
Never Shave Upward Toward The Belly Button. Let’s just say it’d be a rash decision. Shave horizontally and/or diagonally downward.
THE TAIN’T
Prop Your Leg Up On The Side Of The Tub. Carefully shave the tain’t (“tain’t your balls/tain’t your ass”). Don’t shave too far forward or you’ll end up with hairless racing stripes. I don’t care if you’re into NASCAR, it ain’t a good look.
THE SCROTUM
Cut It Out. The hair, I mean. To about half an inch with a pair of scissors. And if you’d rather shave all of the hair off…
Soak In A Warm Bath. It loosens up his pores, making it easier to get a close shave.
Lather Up With Shaving Cream. With the thumb and index finger of the same hand, pull the testicle bag’s skin in opposite directions to flatten the shaving surface. Always start shaving with the grain. When you’re done, do it again, only against the grain. Be careful! God gave men a penis and a brain but only enough blood to run one at a time, so you don’t have much to waste.
Use Antiseptic Creams, Moisturizers And Baby Powder. Don’t be sportin’ nothing but chaos down there to sproutin’ nothing but redness. Moisturizing the area will reduce itchiness and irritation. Look for lotions with aloe or camphor.
Remember, giving “Richard” a makeover is something you’re doing to maximize your pleasure during a blowjob. Speaking of “Richard,” there are many so many versions of dick across the land you’d think a rock concert let out. Some are circumcised some are not. Some are straight as six o’clock, some are curved like gravy boats. Some are big (yessssss!), some are small (nooooooooo!).
Next week: Let’s unzip Gay America’s pants and see what we’re working with.