How to Meet Gay Men Part 1

Have you ever wondered why some guys get hit on like a nail at a hammer convention while you sit there feeling like a screw?   If you’re like most gay guys, you think getting approached is a passive affair—that as long as you’re looking good and reasonably friendly, the rest is up to God, Grey Goose and the glow of the light.

That’s how women do it, right?  They get dolled up and wait to get “picked” by a guy.  Well, here’s a statistic that’ll shock you:  women start 90% of all encounters between heterosexual couples.  Research psychologists note that men may be the ones who physically do the approaching, but it’s women who do the signaling that brings them over.

And that’s what you need to work on—your signaling.

Phase 1:   Eye Talk

It starts with what psychologists call an “Eyebrow Flash.”  You see Shagability.  Your eyebrows rise and with it your eyelids, letting more light in and making your eyes bigger, brighter and more attractive.  And get this, your pupils dilate!   An eyebrow flash is followed by a longer-than-usual gaze—no more than three seconds.  It’s a subconscious sign of sexual attraction, but you can make it nearly imperceptible.  Which presents a problem.  If you can’t remember the last time you were approached by somebody you were attracted to, ask yourself, “Am I looking back when he tries to catch my eye?  Do I try to hold his gaze for a second or two?”

I was at a bar recently with a friend who complained that nobody ever approached him.  Suddenly, this handsome guy walked by and gave him a subtle eyebrow flash.  I couldn’t believe my friend’s reaction.  “Freeze!” I whispered to him.  “Where are you looking?  Away from him.  Where are your arms?  Crossed.  What’s your posture?  My back’s to him.”

Is this you?  Complaining that nobody approaches you and then making it impossible for them to do it?  There’s only one way to find out—Freeze!  And take inventory.

What’s the best way to respond to a glance?

The research is clear:  Hold his gaze for a second or two and… now this is important…Avert your eyes downward before you glance at him again.  Do NOT glance away or to the side—it’ll make him think you glanced back by mistake or worse, that there’s someone better to look at.

Averting your eyes is a sensual but subconscious way of playing Peek-a-boo.  When you look downward you “hide” your eyes, and when you look up you reveal them, creating a sexual tension/release coil.  We play adult peek-a-boo in creative ways—peeking over a book or a newspaper or stealing a glance and then using our hair to hide our eyes.

That’s why so many guys like Halloween or costume parties—they can play cat and mouse games with masks that can be taken on and off, alternately hiding and revealing their eyes.

 

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys